Fantastic Firsts, Sloppy Seconds, and Thorough Thirds

Sean Avery received a six-game suspension from the National Hockey League for an indirect insult to a much better player, Calgary Flames defensemen Dion Phaneuf. I don't take umbrage with the substance of Avery's words, no matter how crude, and certainly don't find distasteful verbiage a legitimate reason to temporarily deprive a man of his livelihood. What does rub me the wrong way, though, was the way Avery went about it.

Reporters were waiting to speak with Avery about disparaging remarks he'd made last month about Flames star Jarome Iginla when Avery walked over to the group and asked if there was a camera present. When told there was, he said, "I'm just going to say one thing."

"I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada," the Ontario native said. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight." He then walked out of the locker room.

How unstoppably douchebag is that? Avery must have been up all night not only planning the exact words to say, but the manner in which he'd say them. He probably approached the media quicker than planned when he realized he was about to forget what he wanted to tell them, and just managed to get his so-clever comments out in the nick of time. Phew!

The worst part of this whole debacle is Avery was forced to sit out that night's game against the Flames, thereby denying hockey fans the chance to see Phaneuf--one of the league's fiercest hitters--put hockey's leading metrosexual through the plexiglass.