Pop Will Eat Its Children, Pt. 5

30. "Baby Got Back," Sir Mix-A-Lot

1992
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: #1

Ah, when Seattle ruled the hip-hop landscape. I always forget that Rick Rubin co-produced this. When you wanted mainstream hip hop that didn't treat women like disposal party favors, it was this or (gah) Arrested Development.

Keep it? NO

"Doowutchyalike," Digital Underground

1990
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: Did not chart

"The Humpty Dance" was the hit, while "Doowutchyalike" had to make do as the 9-minute party jam. Shock G and his alter ego Humpty Hump trade verses that are positive and silly without coming off crude or cringe. Still, the piano solo is arguably the highlight. The joyousness engendered almost defies common sense. (Points for encouraging women to objectify men.)

29. "Paper Bag," Fiona Apple

1994
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: Did not chart

From that album with the 310-word title. Fiona wrote this after mistaking a paper bag for a dove. I once mistook a bagel for a glazed donut. Hardly song-worthy, honey.

Keep it? NO

"No Excuses," Alice In Chains

1994
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: Did not chart

Family vacation in Arizona! And by "family" I mean "friends," and when I say "Arizona" I mean one of the less-famous canyons. Rough way to test the tensile strength of a relationship, but I can't think of one that fires surer.

28. "Pink Triangle," Weezer

1997
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: Did not chart

Guy falls deep in love with a lesbian. "If everyone's a little queer/Can't she be a little straight?" Are you for real with this bullshit?

Keep it? NO

"Puss," Jesus Lizard

1993
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: Did not chart

(How I wish they'd titled that split "Oh, the Puss.")

By all rights, "Puss" is a song I should like only with massive reservations. The music hits the face like a frozen candy bar flung from six feet away, but the lyrics directly reference and encourage assaulting a woman. That singer David Yow wrote it in dishonor of a guy he knows makes matters better and worse. Anyway, I'm not mad at Yow. He's 5'6" and built like a substitute teacher.

27. "Around the World," Daft Punk

1997
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: #6

Another one bites the pillow. Top 50 Songs For a Cardio Routine, maybe.

Keep it? NO

"The Diamond Sea," Sonic Youth

1995
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: Did not chart

You knew it was coming. My favorite band's magnum opus. And I don't mean the five minute single edit. I want all twenty minutes, baby. I've nothing to add but yes, yes motherfuck yes. (But not motherfuck the band Yes, they kinda ruled.)

26. "Torn," Natalie Umbruglia

1997
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: #42

"Inoffensive" is a weird insult, in that it can also be a compliment. Jennifer Paige's "Crush" goes hand in hand with "Torn" in my mind, despite the fact they don't sound at all alike. Inoffensive one-hit wonders with one-word titles sung by fairy dust addicts.

Keep it? NO

"Blood Makes Noise," Suzanne Vega

1992
U.S. Billboard Hot 100 Peak Position: Did not chart

Suppressing unpleasantness with the application of further unpleasantness isn't suggested by most therapists, but most therapists go pale at the sight of flowing red.

Yeah, the bass is ace, but the guitars are really irritated and you will hear them out!