You Know What Settles All These Rumors? A John Kruk--Barry Melrose Follicle War

Growing up in western MD, television was enormous in my upbringing. There were the standard local and national networks to provide sitcoms and dramas, MPT to bless my life with Sesame Street, MTV for my first profound exposure to music, and ESPN doing likewise for sports.

With age, my TV Eye became sharper at discerning the crap from the credible re: shows both old and new (I used to find Full House funny, for the love of Stamos). Sesame Street exited when I realized it had nothing further to teach me. MTV degraded year after year to their current sad, video-less state. ESPN, however, seemed to get better; they broadcast high-quality sporting events and presented viewers with the greatest hour on television: Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick anchoring the Sunday Sportscenter, aka, "The Big Show". Witty, unpredictable talent and natural flair for the games people play delivered by a pair of sports fanatics who lived to make one another laugh in between endless reports on runs, points and goals. They elevated the position of "sports anchor" by drawing ceaselessly from a rich well of reference, with Greek myth and Britcoms as likely to be thrown into the mix as cereal commercials from the 1950s and Seinfeld catchphrases. Much like The Simpsons, the casual viewer could be mostly clueless as to the deeper levels and still enjoy the program, while the more astute fan would feel rewarded.

Since Olbermann's departure broke up "The Big Show", Sportscenter suffered a gradual decline in quality. It couldn't help it, really; subsequent anchors were left leaping up at a bar set far too high, and given the choice between trying to ape the inimitable intellectual fanboy banter of Dan 'n' Keith or leeching off the privileged-white-boy-who-yearns-to-not-be-white steez popularized by Craig Kilborn, a whole generation (in television time, anyway) chose the road less requiring an attention span of longer than 8 seconds. Paving the way for Sportscenter after Sportscenter with loud men screaming lines from movies and Stuart Scott trying to appear whatever he thinks "hip" is (hey, it's not like I exactly know either). All of this may or may not enhance the actual appreciation of the highlights shown underneath, depending on your preference. Personally, I think that when I finally snap and wreak havoc on an unsuspecting populace, "Holla at a playa when you see him on the street" will be the words with which I choose to announce my imminent wrath-unleashing.

But, personalities aside, the fan is supposed to trust ESPN. The Bristol, CT-based network needs to be honest, forthright, voracious and appreciative of all that it covers. However, a number of viewers have proclaimed for years that the "Worldwide Leader in Sports" has an agenda beyond just scores 'n' stories. That while all sports and sports teams are created equal, some are created more equal. This is a sad thing to consider for the genuine sports fan; the outlet you depend upon (if not solely, then largely) for your sports fix is bullshitting you.

Deadspin.com (which hath supplanted ESPN as my favorite source for sports) recently linked up a sports blog that tells a sobering tale. I will highlight the same paragraph DS did, 'cause, honestly, it says it all:

"You may or may not have caught John Kruk’s act on Baseball Tonight last week. In a Q/A session with the other hosts, Kruk answered “the Pirates” when asked “who will be leading the NL Central at the end of the month?” Whatever, just another ESPN guy trying to look smart if it actually comes true. Big deal, right? Wrong. A couple days later, Kruky was on “The D-List” radio show here in Madison (it might also be on in Milwaukee, not sure) to discuss his pick. Kruk admitted that he really wanted to pick Milwaukee as his answer. Apparently, the ESPN brass tried to stiff arm him into saying he thought the Yankees would be leading the AL East by June. Kruk refused, so they made him make one bold selection, thus the Pirates pick. And this was all admitted on the radio by Kruk!"

The stunner here is not that ESPN bullies on-air employees so's to keep shows interesting and ratings steady. Nor is it shocking that Kruk would admit so freely to being the kid picking up teeth by the flagpole. (John Kruk has no shame. You have seen the sassafras atop his head, no?) And, no, it will not be a jolt when the powers that be at ESPN demand Kruk's remaining testicle as punishment for his loose lips. Read closer: Apparently, the ESPN brass tried to stiff arm him into saying he thought the Yankees would be leading the AL East by June. Kruk refused,

No...could it be...East Coast Bias?

Oh yes, an urban legend so persistent that even ESPN.com's famed "Page 2" dedicated a column to it These are but a few of the accusations levelled at ESPN for East Coast overlove, and it is intriguing to consider. If holding a soft spot in the networks heart means holding down the greatest amount of airtime, certainly this theory holds water. Both the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees (individually and in the mighty shadow cast by their historic rivalry) get the royal king crap 'n' can opener treatment at the expense of other deserving teams and players (imagine, indeed, how godhead Albert Pujols would be considered if he wore pinstripes; consider, also, the corporate heart failure that afflicted the big E when Justin Morneau of the Minnesota Twins was named AL MVP last year over golden boy Derek Jeter). If you play for a New York team, expect your every feat (positive and negative) blown up to retarded proportions by not just Sportscenter, but any of the 23 programs shown before and after it. Well, it certainly seems to be that way.

But does the bias--if it's real--stop at a region of the country? What about actual league prejudices?

Fairness in coverage seems to suffer if a sport isn't part of ESPN's programming. The NFL, NBA, MLB and NASCAR are all under contract with the network and thus given solid coverage. (In the case of the NFL, some may say the love has reached a sickeningly sweet level--do we need a weekend of draft coverage? I mean, yeah it was fun watching Brady Quinn--or any Notre Dame player--fall so precipitously and without doubt the Vikings steal of Adrian Peterson made this long-suffering fan gleeful beyond sounds, but...stop trying to make me care where the Stanford QB ends up.)

The NHL? Oh, that league with the most exciting playoffs of all? Meh. Yeah, ESPN used to cover them. But now, they barely rate above the WNBA. When the NHL was on the network, and you could expect Red Wings vs. Avalanche once a week, the anchors by and large showed respect to a much-chided sport, and saved much of their snideness for NASCAR. You gotta love how the sport of "rednecks driving in circles real fast" goes from being a Dick Trickle of Dan Patrick's fancy to suddenly a legit concern, with panels of "experts" telling us about restrictor plates and why anyone who doesn't own a Confederate flag should give a shit. Meanwhile, Barry Melrose and his hockey knowledge is given shorter shrift the deeper the playoffs progress. Programming patterns such as these lend credence to the belief that ESPN has an agenda beyond "sports for the people".

ESPN East Coast Bias John Kruk