Better In Your Head?--KITTEN WITH A WHIP

 

Spoiler Alert: I'm typin' in a rush.

THE BOOK-Written by Wade Miller (pseudoynm of H. Bill Miller and Robert Wade), released 1959

THE MOVIE-Directed by Douglas Heyes, written by Douglas Heyes & Whit Masterson (uncredited), released 1964

THE STORY-With his wife and young daughter out of town for the weekend, David Stratton should be relishing his alone time. Sitting around the house shirtless. Pouring an extra drink after dinner. Poker with pals. Not falling for the sob story of a 17-year-old fugitive.

MIND THE GAP-Femme fatale? How about homme crédule? Book David is a repressed suburbanite, a reggo, no connections or protections, a shlub prone to biting the poison mushroom. The movie changes him from factory worker to aspiring senator, which makes his wimpiness in the face of a blonde bipolar blackmailer even more idiotic. Judy's repeated threats wither under any bulb forty watts and up, so Stratton's lack of wherewithal to call up a powerful pal and arrange for a dirt nap beggars belief. 

Little Miss Misery needs trust and guidance. Who knows how long it's been since an adult showed her sympathy, and perhaps a home invasion is just her quirky way of asking for an open mind, an open heart. Believe me, neither of those is the organ David's extending to Judy. 

There's no lust in the film, though. John Forsythe is far removed from the David of the book, a slick-haired, stone-jawed aspirant who puts the "pro" in "professional." Forsythe is best in show, but he's as exciting to behold as an empty shampoo bottle.

Notably not drabbing up the screen is Ann-Margret as the kitten herself, a sexy li'l sociopath cursed with more cunning than conscience. Coming off consecutive cream puffs (Viva Las Vegas and Bye Bye Birdie), the bang-boom hottie with a boom-bang body decided on a reputation reset. Twenty-three at the time of filming, she scarfs down scenes, vulnerable one minute, vicious the next minute, a deliciously OTT puzzle of a person. Is Judy a master manipulator? A love-starved teen? Beyond redemption, or worth the wait?

(The juxtaposition between the lead actors in terms of ability is not as jarring as I'd suspected. Yes, Forsythe is the consummate player, but Ann-Margret brought her own fireworks and sets them off with feral glee.)

KWAW swings into high when Jody's friends drop by David's pad, a bunch of budding nihilists who'd sooner throw a baby off a bridge than help an old lady with her groceries. Cross-generational confusions and conflicts ensue, and aren't settled until blood is shed south of the border.

One to grow on: since a woman is almost invariably at a disadvantage in a physical confrontation with a man, she cannot be blamed for weaponizing words, twisting situations, and preying on weaknesses in order to stay afloat (much less, get ahead).

Kitten received the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment in 1994. It's a lesser entry, for two reasons. First, the movie itself was generally well-made*, especially compared with other MST3K selections like The Creeping Terror and Red Zone Cuba. Second, Mike and the Bots are so flustered by David's reticence and Judy's impulsiveness, flinging zingers takes a backseat to remaining sane and seated.

The whip is metaphorical, see.

BETTER IN YOUR HEAD-Book and film should come packaged as "Conservative Propaganda In Fiction, Pt. Whatever." Douglas Heyes crapped out a camp classic. John Waters calls it "a failed art film," and Judy's beatnik philosopher/future cult leader friend would agree. The novel's better for sure, heftier with insights, quicker-paced, and remarkably consistent for a tag team effort. Best, it comes full circle and leaves us with a protagonist that foresees the bounty from a garden of bullshit and refuses to turn on the hose.

*Okay, there is the sped-up fistfight and some line readings you can breakdance on. I said generally.