Facing the Consequences and Throwing Up on Them

It's awesome that ESPN anchor Dana Jacobsen has been suspended by the network and dragged through the mud by the Catholic League for her comments at a roast for fellow ESPN employees Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, wherein she trashed the thoroughly hateful Notre Dame and concluded with "Fuck Jesus".

Alan King would vomit in rage, were he not already dead.

Freedom of speech...with consequences! No mitigating factors! Now wait, before you go rolling your eyes and say the fact that Jacobsen was clearly inebriated (according to "eyewitness accounts", anyway) is no excuse, please listen. I beg you. Dana Jacobsen was not just drunk. She was--again, according to those who were there--drinking vodka straight from the bottle.



Update--photo evidence confirms that she ain't no amateur at this.

Anyone who chugs the clear nectar with hand wrapped firmly around the neck of the bottle is to be excused anything (except driving drunk, no passes ever for that stupidity). Sticking your tongue down a strangers throat? Telling the lame-ass DJ to play some Def fuckin' Lep? Breakdancing on the kitchen table? Admitting your most prurient sexual fantasies to family members? Speaking blasphemously as you tell those gold-helmeted assholes that the University of Georgia bulldog is 10 times cooler than they'll ever be? That's what happens! I know these things. With women, the propensity for outrageousness is even greater. Any female who will neck vodka is an uber-being to be simultaneously admired, feared, respected, and asked to every party within 50 miles of their residence.

Such is the allure of women too impatient to be bothered with a glass that the media takes note when a female celeb is spotted in the throes of "bottle bliss", as if she's one step closer to ruin. Beyonce, Lindsay Lohan and Bjork all have recently been called out. Braaaaaaavo!

The Catholic League is unbelievable. I say the entire religion should be called out and its touchstones derided until they treat their own rampant, perverse internecine tendencies. So what the man they worship got a playground insult tossed his way? I say, Young Hova either sets up a time to kick ass after class or it's a non-issue. I don't go into paroxysms of transparent justice-seeking when someone makes a comment about my mother, and she's closer to a right-here-and-now embodiment to the ideals of Christ than anyone in this ridiculous story.

ESPN Dana Jacobsen