A Charlie Brown Christmas

Only, dear readers, the greatest thing to do with Christmas ever.

AIRDATE: 12/9/65

STORY: Charlie Brown is depressed. Christmas is slowly but surely losing its luster thanks to rampant greed having taken the emphasis off the peace-love-and-understanding ideology inherent from the holiday's conception and onto more modern, tangible concerns, ie, presents and the nonstop receiving of. No matter where he shuffles his stout frame, Charlie Brown is bombarded with insouciant avarice, be it Snoopy's doghouse gaudied-up for a "Lights and Display Contest", Lucy's hunger for land, or--most galling of all--his baby sister Sally's apple-cheeked desire for cold hard cash.

A trip to Lucy's psychiatrist booth is about as helpful as going to Baltimore to kick a heroin habit. She displays an impressive knowledge of phobias, and then suggests Chuck serve as the director for a Christmas play the gang is putting on. The prospect of authority cheers the neurotic blockhead, but it is not to last. His peers would much rather dance than learn their lines. Having given vent to his frustration, Charlie Brown is sent out to retrieve a suitable tree for the stage show. Amid a lot filled with pretty-yet-fake trees (all glitter and glamor, clutter and clamor), his eyes and heart gravitate towards a pitifully sparse plant that looks like it couldn't withstand the weight of a single owl. Intent on giving it a loving home, he picks out this sad little tree and takes it back to the auditorium.

Unsurprisingly, the other children shower derision upon Charlie Brown's selection. Humiliated and dejected, a careworn Charlie finally wonders aloud, with the pain searing his voice, if anyone knows the true meaning of Christmas. Calmly, Linus takes center stage and recites Luke 2:8-14.

A heartened Chuck takes the tree home. However, his attempt to decorate it--a single red ball from Snoopy's prizewinning domicile--bends the tree forward, so that it arches over onto the snow. "Everything I touch gets ruined", laments poor ol' Charlie Brown. Not long after, the other kids gather 'round. Still feeling the warmth of Linus' wisdom, they reappraise the little growth and strip the doghouse bare to dress it up. Within mere seconds, the tree is beautiful, with streaming garland, shining bulbs, twinkling lights, and approximately 300 more needles.

This miracle manifest overwhelms Charlie Brown and he leads a rousing chorus of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing".

It doesn't get much more perfect than that. 10

MUSIC: The soundtrack, performed with enviable swagger by the Vince Guaraldi trio, is beyond a great Christmas album and just a classic album period. This is music that can be enjoyed in July, with the masterful interplay of piano, stand-up bass and drums practically elevating the notes off the sheet music with every song.

Everyone knows the iconic "Linus and Lucy", but "Skating" should be equally acclaimed for accomplishing no less than the evocation of a light snowfall over a frozen pond. I get a total body chill just hearing it. Both versions of "Christmastime is Here" (vocal and instrumental) are bittersweet and instantly memorable. The redone classics are distinct and tasteful.

Easy-going, virtuoso jazz music on a children's program is one reason CBS thought this special was doomed to fail. The soundtrack does not bubble under, nor does it flow gently beneath the action. It drives whole scenes, acting as parenthetical dialogue, and in certain sequences--the legendary dance, the tree hunt--it is blared, not setting the mood so much as setting it down square in the middle of the action.

When people who can't even stand Christmas music love these songs...10.

ANIMATION: A sore spot to this day for Lee Mendelsohn and Bill Melendez; the latter actually wanted to redo the show several years after the premiere to patch up the flaws, but was wisely vetoed by Charles Schulz. The mistakes are multitudinous but not ruinous: a couple odd edits, inconsistent flesh color, varying depictions of exactly how porous the tree is. Honestly, you could watch the special over ten times and not notice most of what makes the animators cringe.



Here, Lucy's booth goes from "real in" to just "in". Animation boo boo, or did Charlie Brown's whining inspire a loss of enthusiasm?



Hmm, you'd think DIRECTOR should be on the back of the chair...later on, though, it is.

None of it should detract from the beautiful colors and adorable renderings (the facial expressions in particular are as impeccable here as in the strip; Schulz was a genius at drawing a face that "spoke"). 9.5

VOICES: Peter Robbins as Charlie Brown, Chris Shea as Linus, Tracy Stafford as Lucy, Kathy Steinberg as Sally, Geoffrey Ornstein as Pigpen, Karen Mendelsohn as Patty, Sally Dryer as Violet, and Ann Altieri as Frieda. The voice acting equivalent of the 1927 New York Yankees, all of them beyond fabulous in this special, all of them 10's. (The role of Joe Dugan being filled by Chris Doran, who gets a mere 9 for dual Schroder and Shermy action.)

Robbins and Shea are still without peer throughout 50+ Peanuts specials, both for their characters and for any of the characters. Their deliveries are sweet and sincere, instantly imbuing cartoons with heart and soul. Charlie Brown really is upset, he really does care about more than seeing his name on a present; and Linus, well...you could witness a million one ministers intone any score of biblical verse and never feel the peace and comfort in your heart you did when Linus recites Luke 2:8-14.

(Note that several of the kids could not actually read and had to be told their lines by Bill Melendez then cued for delivery. This explains why Sally is so hilariously hiccuping.)

THIS IS WHERE I DO THAT ONE SECTION FOR THE GOOD STUFF ONE SECTION FOR THE NOT-SO GOOD STUFF EXCEPT THIS TIME IT'S ALL GREAT STUFF, I MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF CONTRARIAN LITTLE BITCH YOU THINK I AM

As opposed to many moments in Peanuts specials which I think should be cultural touchstones, A Charlie Brown Christmas is chock full of brilliance that has become part of a shared culture.


Virtually everyone in your life worth a damn--and many others who may in fact not be--knows the "Charlie Brown dance scene". Youtube explodes with homemade videos featuring different audio over the visuals (and almost all of them awesome; search "Hey Ya Peanuts" and get ready to cry from laughter, if you haven't found it already). Absent Lucy and featuring three characters who do not appear otherwise (siblings 5, 3 and 4), this is a sequence that never fails to inspire wild laughter in children and adults. There is the absurdity of a random dance party when the kids are supposed to be rehearsing a nativity scene, the further ridiculous spectacle of a goddamn dog rocking out the guit, and the fact that with one notable exception (see below), no one you know dances like this. If they permit asylum inmates a Christmas soiree, maybe. But among the alleged sane, no.



Pigpen, the physical manifestation of Charlie Mingus' blood.



5 brings the insuppressible shoulder shrug, while his sisters teach the whole of Deadhead Nation how to enjoy themselves at the gigs.

Here we have three fantastic moves. One day, I'll imbibe enough wine to imitate these for a group of people and not charge a performance fee.

Frieda is doing the "midget toss", Shermy is impassively "Frankenstein"-ing, and Violet, well...I like to call that bit of derring-do "The Pit Sniffer". (Yeah, I know, you got a better idea, put it in the comments.)



Sally's just kind of shuffling, but geez, she just looks so happy. Linus is the only one that is peforming a dance that people still actually do (even if only at high school reunions): the mashed potato. And he is doing it while holding onto the blanket.



"Pwned by own dog, I can't stand it!"



Cultural osmosis has assured that every scrawny little Christmas tree is forever known as "a Charlie Brown tree". It's a part of the national vocabulary. It has its own Myspace page. Try not to be shocked at the announcement that it will run for president, or when you realize that it stands a really good chance against Ron Paul.

I can't believe there hasn't yet been a Japanese noise band named "Spectacular Super Colossal".

They can animate a thousand more Lucy and Schroeder scenes and never surpass the "Jingle Bells" run.


I can't tell you how many times I've repeated the irrepressible Pigpen's self-appraisal: "On the contrary, I didn't think I looked that good."




In my estimation, there are two overly religious pop culture totems that atheists just can't deny. First, "Spirit in the Sky". Sure, the idea of a souls ascension into some hyper-idealized cloud kingdom may make some people wretch, but come on, is that guitar riff not fucking boss? Is the tone not nasty as a Baltimore alley? (Damn, I need to back off Charm City already.) Similarly, Linus' matter-of-fact recitation of the angels visitation unto shepherds upon the birth of Christ will bring tears to the eyes of a hardcore nonbeliever with a dog named Camus and a poster showing Christ being beaten with spiked bats by elderly women.

------------------------------------------------------------

Final note here. In 2000, to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Peanuts, CBS ran a retrospective hosted by Walter Cronkite. Among the clips shown was the one depicted in this capture:



In the version that is always aired, and appears on the DVD, all that you can hear is Schroeder's piano, then nothing, as he stops to glare at the unwelcome canine. Snoopy finally quits his jig and slinks off, red-faced. No sound whatsoever. In the Cronkite-hosted retrospective, however, you can clearly hear Snoopy's feet beating a fevered pattern against the piano. You can then hear his gulp of embarrassment, and when he crawls off to lick his wounded ego, a pained groan is very audible.

What happened to that audio? Is it from the initial airing? If anyone knows, please share the knowledge.

A Charlie Brown Christmas Charles Schulz Peanuts Snoopy Charlie Brown