Lucy Must Be Traded, Charlie Brown

The first in my series reviewing the three Peanuts baseball specials, this is the most recent (2003) and also the weakest.



"Here, Snoopy...I've destroyed the script. Are you happy now?"

STORY: Hapless baseball manager Charlie Brown has had it up to here with his lethargic, disinterested outfielder, Lucy Van Pelt, and wants to trade her to Peppermint Patty's superior squad. When Patty tells Chuck that the only player on his team she would want is Snoopy, Charlie Brown amazingly pulls the trigger on the deal, receiving five players in return. However, before the trade can actually go down, it is nullified by two mitigating factors: Charlie Brown realizing he cannot part so callously with his own pet, and Peppermint Patty's handful refusing to dirty up their cleats for Charlie Brown's infamous team. Finally, Lucy is traded for Marcie, not unlike swapping a house of popsicle sticks for one made of aluminum cans in terms of overall usefulness. 8

MUSIC: Innocuous piano that accompanies one's contemplation of how many people will be standing outside the elevator when you reach your floor. 5

ANIMATION: As it is latterly Peanuts, it is much crisper and consistent than the "classics" (ie, skin tones don't change several times over the course of a scene), but the colors are unadventurous, and the actual character animation uneventful and standard. 6

VOICES: Wesley Singerman does a piss-poor Charlie Brown; I mean, I'm sure he's a great kid and his parents hold him to ridiculously high standards that will one day result in his being the world's proudest, most strident FedEx employee ever, but he's struggling to emote here, and that ain't right. Charlie Brown struggles with a lot in life--it's his lot in life. For fans who've followed his Job-like life on the page and on screen, we may have asked things like, "Poor Charlie Brown, why can't he win?" but we have never asked, "Wow, I wonder what he's feeling?" Dude is one open zig-zagged wound. This is a rote reading, and absolute pain when you consider that this special is mainly stitched-together strips dependent on the back 'n forth zings Charlie Brown and Lucy throw at one another. 4

Serena Berman as Lucy, conversely, gets an 8 for being nicely sassy.

Corey Padnos is Linus, and oh how it breaks my heart to hear such averageness. 5. All Linuses must be starved and forced to read the New Testament. Aloud.

A boy, Daniel Hansen, again steps up to the mic as Peppermint Patty, but turns out to be a lamentably dull 6 out of 10. Really not very tomboyish at all (said in Chris Shea's Linus voice. Ah, now there was a kid who knew how to recite!)

Schroeder is voiced by Christopher Ryan Johnson. A higher-pitched Charlie Brown? Oh that's useful. 4. The similarly triple-named Megan Taylor Harvey is a too-chirpy Sally (making me thankful for her brief time in this show). 3. Finally, Melissa Montoya voices Marcie. She gets a 6 for making me believe it when she said "I hate baseball!" Definitely get the vibe ol' Marcie would rather be reading some Anne Sexton and daydreaming about holding hands with "Sir".

OZZIE SMITH, PLAYING THE BALL OFF THE HOP



It is a delight seeing the great "Snoopy dances while Charlie Brown tries to talk shop with his team" strip brought to life. Also, you have to love Marcie shunning Snoop's attempt to engage her in a friendly handshake.

God has no place in schools, but he has a place in Charlie Brown's outfield, where players are heard praying that the ball is not hit to them. Those so blessed are heard to give thanks and finally, one particularly gracious fielder proclaims, "Amen!"

And who doesn't love Peppermint Patty predicting that of the twelve games their teams will play head to head, hers will alternately "slaughter, smash, ruin, murder, annihilate, and pound" his?

MANNY RAMIREZ, PLAYING THE BALL



There is nothing egregiously bad about this special, nothing that makes you cringe or roll your eyes. The producers remain faithful to the strips and provide a fun, passable show, but that's all it is. There's no real heart and soul, and nothing particularly funny, either (I'll let you decide which is the more grievous sin). As you will see later, Lucy vs. Charlie Brown on the diamond was done much better much earlier.

Nah, you know what the worst part of this whole special is? Visting the reviews section on Amazon and finding this bit of genius in defense of not only this, but the recent specials:

The classic Peanuts gags we have all come to love -- and chuckle out loud at via the daily comics and endless array of Peanuts books -- are better executed. Way better. How many of us who watch the Halloween special every year yawn and think "ho-hum" whenever Charlie Brown says, "I got a rock"? I know I do. And why? This piece of dialogue is one of many that just wreaks of poor execution and boredom.

So saith the legendary Internet critic "D.Mart." How many of us go "ho-hum" at the "I got a rock" section of the Great Pumpkin? Only you, assclown. Everyone else thinks it possesses a timeless hilarity and it still gets parodied/quoted to this day. Lucy Must Be Traded looks much "better" than those shows of the past...but in terms of content, viewers get a rock.

Peanuts Lucy Must Be Traded Charlie Brown