Writing this review out longhand, I headed the sheet of paper with the letters "IST", which is close to "shit." Which is itself a not-unfair review of this special. Ah, okay, unfair; but it says something that this second attempt at animating Peanuts baseball was never broadcast on network television (the copyright date is 1992).
STORY: It's springtime again and you know what that means! Birds and bees are frolicking, small white balls once airborne hit the soft grass in front of hapless children, wood chops the air futilely, Lucy and Frieda gab as Charlie Brown grits his teeth in determination to field a winning team, and Snoopy is seen Ty Cobb-ing Franklin (uh...meaning Snoopy flies into second base during a steal attempt and takes Franklin out; not that he hates him for being black). The tiny, stubborn Leland arrives at practice, where he wins over the manager with stick-to-it-tiveness and the fact that Charlie Brown is so desperate for a win he'd give a position to a kangaroo if it brought its own glove. Just like Charlie Brown All-Stars, Mr. Hennessy has dangled the carrot of uniforms in front of the kids faces, with one caveat: win, goddamnit. A toned-down rehash. 6
MUSIC: Judy Munsen and some collective dubbed "D'Cuckoo" are pegged responsible for the soundtrack. Judy handled a lot of the late eighties/early nineties material, armed with an arsenal pilfered from the great Kajagoogoo Yard Sale of 1986: Gorgonzo Moog keybs, Colby Linn drum machine and Casio Pimento effects. At best, this stuff is cornily amusing, at worst, lazy and thus distracting. 3
ANIMATION: Disorienting is the word; super-saturated backgrounds contrast with by-the-numbers color re: the kids and their tangible surroundings. Frequently, the screen appears in a muddle, making concentration frustrating. 5
VOICES: What a formidable group of potential heroes.
Justin Shenkarow, future veteran of mediocrity, does a lively Charlie Brown. 7. John Christian Graas is a disappointing 5 as an underutilized, master of the obvious Linus. Sadly, Marnette Patterson is also a 5 as his sister, with no particular personality evident in her readings.
It is up to Gregory Grudt (how I adore it when parents show an awareness of the power of alliteration) to step up as the voice of li'l Leland, he who is barely bigger than the classic box o' bread, nearly engulfed by a helmet that gives him the appearance of a baby Stormtrooper. And step up he does, struggling mightily with phonetics and stressing the last syllables of words. Good job, kid. 7
The credits say that someone voiced Schroeder. I could not possibly care less. No one gives voice to crosshatched Pigpen. Boo.
Franklin is voiced by a girl, one Jessica Nwafor. Still more masculine sounding than, say, the "Men on Film" guys. I give her an 8, and why will soon be blatantly clear.
IF THIS HAD BEEN ANY OTHER CARTOON, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS BY PRETZELS THREE LINES INTO IT, KID
So to get these awesome Hennessy-sponsored uniforms, they just have to win a game. This game. One freakin' game. Their opponents are...
Immediately you can tell they are the villains, via a brilliant blend of a truth passed onto us by fiction (one is a redhead, and redhead boys are always insufferable pricks whose destiny it is to take a rusty knife in the gut at age 24; see A Christmas Story's Scott Farkus) and a truth passed onto us by fact (the team is decked out in pinstripes, a la the New York Yankees, a franchise as a rule stocked sick with intolerable assholes made possible by the mind-warping lack of a salary cap in Major League Baseball and the provincial tendency of Empire State residents to think that all other cities are jealous of their perpetual-eternal awesome and will go to stunning lengths to discredit them).
Faced with such a foe, Charlie Brown leads his team through their standard pre-game warm up--the Hokey Pokey. This was cute in the past, Chuck, but that was a sad time pockmarked with the scars of loss after colossal loss. We have uniforms at stake, here. We need something else. Something more up to date. Something The Fresh Prince would re-record if you paid him enough.
Enter he of the melanin and pants!
I give you the complete lyrics of "That's What It's All About", AKA "Franklin's Rap". Please note the marks at end of several lines, and refer to the end of the song for further discussion.
It's all about all the calls we've done*
You'll be shakin' in your shoes
We're the team invincible
And we're not gonna lose
It's time you started worryin'
Your strategy's in a muddle
If you're a little airplane
We're the space shuttle
You can jeer all you want
Vocalize and shout
But in the end we will prevail
And that's what it's all about
(chorus)
Go! Go! Go! (etc.)**
Here's the game we have to win
Now we've gone and said it
We practiced, planned and strategized
And we're about to get inventive
It's how you play the game that counts
Of that there is no doubt
We plan to be good winners too
'Cause that's what it's all about***
(chorus)
This game has a lot more meaning
Our look is on the line
You may as well lay down your gloves
'Cause we're gonna be sublime
In the past we've had our share
Of failures and defeats
But now our shining moment's here
Might as well take off your cleats
Baseball has a funny way
Of takin' teams and doomin' 'em
We're valiant knights taking down our foes
With weapons of aluminum+
Our brilliant plans will mesmerize
And after that last out
We'll be the team with the highest score
And that's what it's all about
(chorus)
You shake shake shake shake shake shake shakin'
Shakin' in your shoes++
We're the team invincible
And we're not gonna lose
And when the dust has settled
Don't you moan and pout
'Cause we'll be the team with the highest score
And that's what it's all about
*--Does that line make any sense? Is he talking about phone calls? On the field calls? Calling the numbers at bingo games?
**--The chorus sequence is brilliant, as it ups the stakes presented by the old-school exhortation with animation of Snoopy pop-locking (also, after each trio of "Go"'s, you can hear what sounds like a sample of Snoopy going "ah-ahh!" I have not laughed so heartily at a marriage of sight and sound since the Simpsons episode where Bart smashed Homer over the head with a chair as the latter lounged in the perceived safety of his own bathtub).
***--This verse in many ways is an insight into their author, Charles Schulz. Some bulldog Vince Lombardi mixed with a bit of philosophical Grantland Rice. He wants to crush you, but will still feel empathy.
+--After this line, the team raises what are clearly brightly-hued aluminum bats into the air, despite the fact that they never use them before or after.
++--I call bullshit on the very idea that Schulz wrote out all these "shakes". He likely just wrote the word once and parenthetically requested the "stupid kid" singing it repeat it just enough to fill up the bar.
AS TREVOR HOFFMAN IS TO THE SAN DIEGO PADRES, SO IS SNOOPY TO THIS PROGRAM
It would be a whippable offense if I just mentioned Snoopy's dancing without providing proof via the magic of DVD captures. If you need a reason to pick this up off of Amazon or Ebay for 6 bucks or less, let this succession of images convince you.
Kitty cats doin' the corn-cob "nom-nom" got nothin' on the kid Snoopy doin' the ballbat chew.
Sweep it now, sweep it on over.
Electric slide!
Can't see me! (Snoopy was John Cena before John Cena)
Ah hee hee!
Watch yo' mouth.
IN THE END, THOUGH...
A few of the animated specials took their story from the strips, but were given happier twists that simply could not work in the existential minefield of printed Peanuts. Hence, Charlie Brown's team wins and they get new uniforms.
I honestly still have not decided whether this is a mediocre story with one shining classic sequence or a classic sequence surrounded by a mediocre story. It may have helped to have the opposing team fielded by one Mr. Cristal, but we can't go back in time, now can we?
Peanuts It's Spring Training Charlie Brown
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