Sunday, August 12, 2012

Glamour Boys: Duran Duran in the 1980s (Pt. 2--Musical Photoshop 101)


5/10/1982

Widely considered to be Duran Duran's full-length apex, Rio was a smash, eventually selling over ten million copies.  Television screens were awash with the outlandish curves and colors of their infamous-on-arrival music videos; pop radio couldn't go more than a couple of hours without sending another hit onto the waves; sold-out concerts reeked of girls and women screeching, swooning, and imagining Mr. LeBon-vivant was serenading them and only them.

Robert Christgau had very little time for the music of Duran Duran in his heyday as the Village Voice's dancer-in-chief, once dismissing their phenomenon thusly:  "Sometimes I think the little girls don't understand a damn thing."  Or sometimes, we realize not all art has to be understood to be valid.  Context is most, but not all, and if lingo-bots like Bobby Christ ever once in their lives eschewed the urge to describe something as "Roxy Music's worst moments meshed with the most mediocre offerings of Chic," and just told us why they enjoyed it, then dancing about architecture wouldn't be demeaned as one of life's ultimate futile efforts.  There would be throngs, fucking throngs I tell you,  fox-trotting in front of the Tower of Pisa.

"Rio"--If you start in such grandiloquent style, does the ending matter so much?  If a couple at their wedding ceremony decide to just say "I do" first things first, shunning such silly sacraments as the ring exchange and vow recitations, won't all the guests remember that twenty years afterward and not so much the acrimonious, permanent separation?

There are a thousand things, or so I imagine, to love about "Rio."  There's the fact that it was a rewrite of one of the demos recorded with Andy Wickett three years prior, itself a pretty crackin' tune even without a distinguishing vocal.   The intro (redolent of Queen's "Play the Game" recorded a couple years earlier) created by Nick Rhodes recording small metal rods being dropped onto the strings of a grand piano, then reversing the captured audio; John's mischievous bass shuffle (which proved quite influential to a young D'Arcy Wretzky...but let's forget that); keening guitar; cryptic imagery ('Cherry ice cream smile/I suppose it's very nice" is a line that only a Brit could write, forget about it); and perhaps greatest of all, double LeBon for the chorus.

Of course I can't forget the bubbling build to that chorus, which feels like an officer of the court just knocked on my door and informed me that all the city's denizens are to be slaughtered posthaste, except for me, for reasons that shall be explained in great detail once I've been evacuated to my new duplex in New York.  By the third time the dude's come 'round, I'm shouting every word of my inexplainable reprieve along with him, word for word.

Andy Hamilton shows up to do his best Kirk Pengilly, and Simon's derring-do post-solo is a nutshot to Grim's bits.

"You make me feel alive alive aliiiiive!
I'll take my chance!"

Of course, video and song are inextricably bound to one another with golden handcuffs designed by Anthony Price and Russell Mulcahy.  Duran Duran sold their product like no act at the time, showing off a stunning visual vocabulary and a sincere knowledge of--and willingness to have casual fun with--color and intensity, line and texture, rhythm and movement.

Soon, MTV would be suffused with vids by acts who followed by the example the boys had set.  In many cases, the style suffocated the substance and nowanights those bands and clips are fortunate to be footnotes.  But the best--Duran Duran, Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson--had the complete package.  Life was not as grand as these videos would have you believe.  If you turn your lover into a lion, you will not be so unaffected as to sing your anthem of defloration with no fear of your life (or yourself, 'cause how did you pull that off?).  Zombies are unlikely to be so well-choreographed.  And, Nick Rhodes felt putridly seasick for the entirety of the "Rio" video shoot.  But it was all a sight better than some racket-gang of barely-theres content to play along to a recorded track confident that the editing team would do some nifty effects tricks to try and fool the viewer into thinking that while the song sounded like crap when you heard it on the radio, it's really actually very good, look, saturation!  Smoke machine!  See, acts like DD already knew their songs were excellent and could have stood on their own.  But why, when there's yachts to be rented and martinis to be drank underwater?

I was very envious of the pastel phones in the vid, as well.  They cast the ones in my own home in an uncomely light, for sure.  And the women, well, those warpaint bitches also made quite the impression on li'l Jenny Lee.  Did I want to be them?  Just be around them?  Was it possible they were even cooler than the Duran guys?  'Cause I knew what the Duran guys did, they were rawk gawds, they made music and toured the world and shagged the most pulchritudinous babes.  But those women...I knew nothing of the modeling world, a realm that once penetrated left me nauseous.  But back then, I could pretend these were for-real soldiers of the islands.

"My Own Way"--Well, that's a precipitous drop!  Not a fave of the band, either.  It's funk-rock in clear, actually translucent imitation of their beloved Chic.

"Lonely In Your Nightmare"--Doesn't come off particularly unnerving, unless you would describe the sound of early INXS as such (the surviving band members would likely share your belief).  There's a lightweight spray of solace to be enjoyed underneath the colors of John's bass parts.  Man, a talented broomsman and he caught that TD pass from Joe Montana to win the Super Bowl!

"Hungry Like the Wolf"--One of their biggest hits, and one of the songs that defines its time.  The Juicy Lucy of 80s pop music, supremely tasty and sloppy in equal measure.  VH-1 viewers named "Wolf" the third greatest song of the decade, behind "Pour Some Sugar on Me" and "Livin' On a Prayer."  (A swifter pendulum swing from brilliance to idiocy you will be hard-pressed to locate.)

This is my favorite Duran Duran song, and like "Rio," it has an infamous video that it can exist quite comfortably away from.  The percolating synth is a near-constant presence without infringing on the song's essence, and the same can be said for the Marc Bolan-esque guitar swaths.  The chorus is one of the stickiest of all time (and varies; my favorite is the second, which gives the impression of a more formidable predator).  Simply, I can't think of a greater testament to DD's power as an actual band.  During each instance of the aforementioned refrain, for example, the bass switches up in subtle ways.  First time, it's a pretty basic bedrock pattern.  Then, when it comes 'round again, John pops an octave and I kinda pop a blood vessel.  Almost as good is when (around 3:14, give or take a half-second) suddenly John switches to eighth notes, making the song even more minatory.

The video is a faithful recreation of the tune's subject matter:  the condensation of male/female relations into a trusty metaphor of the lusty hunt.  Does it stunt progress or insure propagation?  Can't the answer be both?  And can't you just enjoy the song?  I was 5 when this thing came out, what the hell did I know about the carnal urges that both facilitate and complicate our lives?  I mean even if I did have those feelings when I was young I just transferred them to food anyway.

Another vixen with facepaint!  Is she a metaphor for Spandau Ballet, and Simon a metaphor for his own band? Why don't more people randomly flip over tables in diners?  And with all due respect to Spandau Ballet, I can't get over the fact there was an honest to Jebus rivalry between both bands.  Mind you it was only relevant in the U.K., 'cause over here we recognized straight away which band was legendary and which was good for one smash hit...just sayin'.

I wonder if the members of Duran Duran liked leaving the lights on during sex so they could gaze upon, and gain further stimulation from the sight of, their own immaculate duds strewn on the floor.

"Hold Back the Rain"--It may not be as evocative as setting fire to it, but it's equally as preposterous.  Given that LeBon's inspiration was John Taylor's worsening drug addiction, however, I can forgive him the indulgence.  This is a thoughtful plea from one imperfect person to another, and if it made any impression on Taylor (per LeBon, the pair have never spoken about the song) it wouldn't make itself manifest until many years later, when he finally cleaned up.

The backdrop is peppy, which might be unfitting for the topic at hand, but completely in step with Rio's single-bodied dedication to dance or die.  Physicality uber alles.

"New Religion"--Per the liners, "A dialogue between the ego and the alter-ego."

Translation:  Fuck Spandau Ballet.

"Women don't care about the lyrics," goes the conventional wisdom.  Yeah, 'cause sometimes the lyrics are pants.  So we focus on the beat and the bass like it's the snap of bones and the thump of the heart and move our hips in a time-old rhythm 'cause "I'll bring my timing in/Seagulls gather in the wind" doesn't do it for that part of me that aches to have something done to it.

"Last Chance On the Stairway"--To get off a witty riposte?  (LeBon does have French Huguenot ancestry, after all.)  To get a handjob while burning the candle at both ends?  (LeBon is a rock star, after all.)  The seismic shifts in mood, tone and speed keep "Last Chance" enjoyable.  Really, Rio is an album of hits.

"Save A Prayer"--Another well-deserved smash.  "Save A Prayer" is a musical muffuletta:  best enjoyed after sitting at room temperature for a few hours, all the better for the olive oil to soak into the roll and for the salami, cheeses and mortadella to curl.

The bending allure of Nick's synth is enough to suck the listener into a very human tale regarding the swells and ebbs of the string-free relationship between two people whose first language is kinetic.  Forget society's code of behaviors and expectations of emotional etiquette.  One person's miasma is another's, well, paradise.  All you have to do is call it such.

"The Chauffer"--Dear to many Durannies (and still a live staple).  The music vacillates between faux-horror and foxy sci-fi.  Proof that Simply Simon is not only capable of relatively straightforward lyricism, he can even excel at it.

The drums aren't missed for the first two minutes because everything else is so damned enrapturing like the greatest conversation you've yet to have, but when they do finally materialize and begin the journey forward with their admirable steadfastness, it only accentuates what has already proven itself to be a class tune.

The gent in question has always struck me as an unwitting yet punctilious escort, hoping the singing blue silver can one day somehow deliver him from the evils of banality.  I don't think it ever panned out, but I hoped secretly it did.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Glamour Boys: Duran Duran in the 1980s (Pt. 1--Discover Your Distraction)


DURAN DURAN
6/15/1981 (U.K.)
4/25/1983 (U.S.)

Ladies and gentlemen--but mostly ladies--Duran Duran.  And there was much rejoicing.

Look at that cover.  Gaze upon those poised bastards.  One hundred million records sold worldwide absolutely could lie, but in this case they don't.

Please note that this review concerns the American reissue, which replaces "To the Shore" with "Is There Something I Should Know?", the single whose presence on the U.S. charts facilitated such reissue in the first place.

"Girls on Film"--Band manager Paul Berrow had himself a Nikon camera, and it never took a picture so grand as this:  all foreground, no background.  The uncensored music video was apocryphal for MTV viewers who couldn't or wouldn't venture out to the much less-private dance clubs.  In retrospect, it was fortunate that this five year old girl didn't see the band's other, seedier version.  I mean, nipples getting iced down, greasy grappling, and multiple instances of women rendering men unconscious via acts that really shouldn't render men unconscious...I just wasn't ready.

The impressionist blaze of "Girls on Film" is undeniable.  When I confessed to a friend that Duran Duran were my so-called "guilty pleasure," I expected some playful ribbing.  Instead, I got a pithy, "Hey, they did 'Girls on Film.'"

They had first done it in 1979, when Andy Wickett was still out front.  The demo has a wicked romp to recommend it--and harmonica!--but Wickett's performance goes through all the metal dangling off the chain and has to pick the lock before he freezes to death.  When Simon LeBon put his vagabond Huguenot poetry to the revamped tune, he had the good sense to recognize and retain the one great quality about Wickett's original--the chorus.

"Girls-on-film!  Girls-on-film!"

Make the guitar 98% funkier, and there! You have a classic.

LeBon claims it's a feminist statement, lost in the ensuing hubbub over the indecent visuals.  Well, if he wasn't sympathetic to the struggle of women back in the 80s, I can guarantee fathering three daughters years later did it.

"Planet Earth"--The first single, "Planet Earth" reached #12 in the U.K., but it doesn't possess the gravitas of "Girls on Film," which is one of those small shames one must simply learn to live with. They did get to lip-sync it on every music program on European TV, though.

The band sounds like they're encased in a smokey cube, bop-bop-bah'ing a New Romantic manifesto (they even namedrop the movement in the lyrics; self-awareness and an attendant sense of humor helped to separate the guys from the pack early on).  Its swirl and snap is disco-ready, but while the cocaine remains, the names and places have been altered to ensure the guilty parties don't get crashed.  The transition from bridge to chorus--"Can you hear me noooowwww-oowww?--is reminiscent of biting into a caramel-coated apple and discovering that the center is...even more caramel.

"Is There Anyone Out There"--The riff here is supremely listenable, one that's more of a loop than a line.  It stresses the third note each go-round, but it's the first two notes I'm most enamored by, as they can be either eighths or sixteenths depending on my mood when listening.  The keybs are ready to dunk heads back into the water, and if "Planet Earth" suggested  John Taylor was a bad-ass on bass, irrefutable proof is contained within these few minutes.

"Careless Memories"--The wit of the staircase; a whit of the heart.  The guys watch an Adam Ant video while dressed as the cast of a spaghetti Western.  Heavy on the bread, heavier on the balsamic vinaigrette.

Save for the chorus, the voice-work is a celebration of mumble-mouth.  The music is abrupt in a manner that nicely mimics a disintegrating connection.  My mind always hears the deadening horror of domestic violence in the lyrics.

"Is There Something I Should Know?"--Hitting the top of the charts in the U.K., and placing within the American Top 5 two years later, here we have a standard fantastic Duran single.  Lyrics nothing more or less than richly-angled sketches, hooks smeared with exotic jellies, a friggin' harmonica solo that enlists the help of a lazily-arpeggiating guitar to stretch the melancholy.  Stealthy as kept, their knack for small touches as a song progresses--knowing what, knowing when--cannot go unappreciated.  The "ohhh-ohhh"'s after the first chorus don't last long, and don't need to.  The "jungle drums" need poke their head out from behind the bedroom door when called.  Duran Duran know that you should eat all the fish by day two.

"(Waiting For the) Night Boat"--It's Night Boat!  The crime-solving boat!  Whenever it seems that the bad guys are gonna triumph, whenever it feels like all hope is lost, just remember:  there's always an inlet.  Or a peninsula.  Or a fjord.  There is always...Night Boat.

After two minutes of build-up, Simon begins singing about moaning water (the first line is "quay," an invitation to a Scrabble game if I've ever heard one).  The idea of sentient natural elements freaks me out.  The theme would seem to be stasis.  The vessel could be an extraterrestrial one in its other life, and the emotional and physical dissonance it emanates is rubbing off on the nearest humanoid.

"Sound of Thunder"--Thunder sounds like Blondie fronted by a Bowie wanna-be.  Who knew?

2:20 to 2:35 could have been excised and encouraged to birth another full song.  Simon continues to dawdle:  "Waiting for the sound of thunder."  It's all tasteful, if not quite timid.

So there it is:  minimalism reigns, here and throughout the album.  Just as LeBon is uncertain at this young stage who he wants to sound like (and just how much he wants to sound like them), his clearly-talented bandmates are still playing with visors on. This is down to greenness, which necessitates a gentle treading.  They had those superstar ambitions almost from day one, and they knew one fulfills said ambitions by being able to fill every available crevice, but they couldn't do that until someone actually knew and cared about who they were.

"Friends of Mine"--The boat arrived, finally, took off and docked at an ungodly soiree thrown in the mansion later used for the film Octopussy.  The attendees, like the hosts, are the dregs and lees of their generation, buzzing about what they or someone they know saw this and did that, but it's all bullshit, and no one's fooling anyone.  But there's finger foods to be ducked down throats, alcohol to be quaffed, and powder rooms to overcrowd, so what's the 100% truth matter?

LeBon's disgust with the scene's pervasive toxicity is evident.  "I'm not waiting anymore," he announces in a jarring chorus that steals the show by a fair pace, a harmony-rich treat over a mortal thump.  The name "Georgie Davis" is dropped, which meant nothing to me as a child.  Davis was wrongfully convicted of an armed robbery in East London sometime in 1975.  Naturally, he became a cause celebre, with rock luminaries and ordinary protesting citizens united in the quest to see justice served.  Sure enough, Davis was freed within a year.  Two years later, he pled guilty to another charge of armed robbery.  No one took to the streets or shouted him out in song over that one, or maybe they did and I just don't care.

"Tel Aviv"--LeBon had words for this one, inspired by his time as a volunteer on an Israeli kibbutz, but the decision was reached that it worked best as a five-minute instrumental that just missed its calling as a Miami Vice interlude by a few years.

What's key to the ear is the way the band's individual elements blend without becoming bland.  That's chemistry, and a collective either has it or hasn't it.  For all the baby steps and juvenile missteps, those five guys had to come together at that time to share those goals and write/perform those songs.

It would change the world.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Glamour Boys: Duran Duran in the 1980s (introduction)


Birmingham, England is an enormous city/metropolitan borough that, like many a patch of Earth that has a surplus of mouths breathing within its borders, has produced an impressive number creative people who have followed their passion and cultivated their skill in a desperate attempt to get the hell out of there.  The list of musicians is especially noteworthy, for variety and quality in equal measure.   Black Sabbath, who revolutionized so-called “heavy music” by belching up foul factory smoke; Judas Priest, whose revved-up operatics were almost as influential (and who can still lay claim to featuring the greatest frontman in the history of heavy metal); Led Zeppelin and their too-imitable BASHCRASH; the scummy seconds of Napalm Death; the ludicrous ponderings of the Moody Blues; Electric Light Orchestra’s unabashed ascension from stolid re-imaginers of George Martin as spirit-sipping studio professor to self-effacing re-imaginers of George Martin as Studio 54 DJ.
And there’s that many more.
Such as…Duran Duran.
A quintet of rouged rogues, Duran Duran are as good a candidate as any to represent “the music of the 1980s.”  Their (shrewdly attained) status as pin-up phenoms attracted critical invective, and for a time they were the go-to whipping boys for professional fault-finders.  Duran Duran were a boy band, most certainly, but in the way that the Beatles were two decades prior.  They were not mashed together by some decrepit, decaying svengali nor were they puppets for an assembly line of songwriters.  The Duran boys  wrote their songs, performed those songs, controlled their own image, and drew up their own unique blueprint for world domination.
The original lineup of John Taylor, Stephen Duffy and the erstwhile Nicholas Bates (his rock godnom de plume Nick Rhodes was either inspired by a Greek island or brand of keyboard, depending on which story one chooses to believe) came together in 1978.  Duffy and Rhodes bonded over Kraftwerk and the two Elvises, influences that would reverberate even after Duffy had departed within a year.
Lineup changes were inevitable, but eventually they picked up–and decided to keep–drummer Roger Taylor, who was neither the drummer for Queen or related to John Taylor in any way.  Former TV Eye vocalist Andy Wickett hopped on board, and the four-song “1979 Demo” was recorded.  Two of the songs–vastly worked over, vastly improved–would become classics in the band’s catalog.  
Classics that, of course, would not feature Mr. Wickett.
DD were basically adopted by the Rum Runner club as they shed and grew  their skin, and it was RR barmaid Fiona Kemp who recommended her boyfriend, aspiring actor/vocalist/lyricist Simon LeBon as a possible replacement behind the microphone.  LeBon showed up wearing pink leopard-print trousers, hoisting a notebook of original poetry, and bearing a cool-ass name that was not a nom de plume.  The scenario reeks of sordid legend.
Duran Duran crashed the shores of North America like it was their birthright. They had the tunes, the ‘tude, a highly-stylized substance and a substantive style (New Romantic frills and thrills).  They were garish in all the best ways, pouty Englishmen who glammed their way into the hearts, minds and beds (and couches, and floors, and showers, and walls) of girls the world over.  They were clotheshorses, certainly, and you can even read essays devoted to Nick Rhodes inadvertently inventing metrosexuality if you’re positively gagging on your ennui, but above everything else, Duran Duran mastered pop music.  It was that aspect of the band that enamored me as a six-year-old girl in Western Maryland watching their canny, polished, and controversial videos flash across MTV.  I was too young to comprehend the lupine carnality, nor could I appreciate the art of androgyny other than to recognize as something “different” that I just didn’t see walking around my neck of the woods, careful not to move too fast lest I have another asthma attack.  
As the 80s dissolved into the next decade, my interest in the boys had waned, but their influence never would, hanging in there like the posterized kitty cat.  When they made an unexpected comeback with 1993′s so-called “Wedding Album,” and the singles “Ordinary World” and “Come Undone” were dominating radio, it was like revenge–for the band, whose multitude of naysayers had rejoiced at their dwindling sales and concert draws–and validation.  I remember feeling immense satisfaction that a group I was so attached to and entertained by was back on top…and, best, that the music they were releasing actually deserved the success.  
This new wave of Duran inspired me to revisit the music of my childhood (hey, Sonic Youth were between albums).  To my pleasant surprise, so much of the inescapable, alleged “disposable pop” held up to scrutiny (even if their creators didn’t).  No one’s records stood more solidly, chest out and chin up, than Duran Duran’s.  I don’t mean simply the singles, although they are among the greatest pop songs of any era.  I mean Duran Duran actually made great albums.  Their music sold their image, rather than the other way around.
You may say I’m naive.  I say, “Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo.”
DD are of course still an active recording and touring unit.  However, their full-length releases of the past twenty years have been mixed at best and dreadful at worst.  Singles aside, even “The Wedding Album” was vastly forgettable.  Thus, this discography review series is dedicated to their first five albums, all released by the band during the greatest decade known to man, the 1980s.  When everything they touched turned to flaming liquid cocaine.


A Peek At “415 101″ (Chapter One: Riot Hour)


My debut novel, 415 101, will soon be seeking publishers.  I am immensely proud of the fact that I not only finished a novel, but that it is a quality read.  It’s the first in a trilogy of novels concerning a character named Lucy Wayne, from high school to age 40.  Each book, however, can be called a true ensemble piece.  In fact, the first chapter of 415 101–what you are about to read–features not Lucy Wayne but two peers who will soon play a great role in getting her hopes and dreams off the ground.
Thanks for taking the time to read. (And yeah, I named the chapters in the book.  I love titled chapters, rare as they seem to be.)
The cardinal perched on the steps of Richter’s Deli and Grocery flittered back into the cloudless morning sky as the two girls approached the storefront.  The humble and accommodating nook indicated one end of the block where Kell Fernandez and Tracy Ridenour had lived, along with their mothers and the former’s two brothers, for the past seven years.
Tracy suspected the owner suspected the girls of swiping sundries when they would wander into the store once a week or so—usually, as was the case on this day, on the weekend—but decided not to pursue the issue because a pair of teens shoplifting occasionally was infinitely preferable to staring down a gun barrel as his cash register was being crudely relieved of its relatively meager contents.  She was correct in her suspicion, and five minutes after inadvertently frightening away a bird, they exited Richters with tote bags of candy bars, gum, and one 20 oz bottle of Pepsi.  This final item baffled Kell from the second she saw Tracy snatch it from the shelf.  She bit her tongue for just that amount of time, but for a recent high school graduate who treated her myriad philosophies like passions and her myriad passions like philosophies, restraint was impossible.
“Tracy.”
“Yeah, babe.”
“You don’t even drink soda.”
“Right?”
“So why take something you have no use for?”  Kell had nurtured only one vice in all eighteen of her years, maintained a single hard-fast rule in regards to said transgression:  steal only what you need.  Tracy, who ranked the paying of fuck-all rather low on her list of practiced immoral conduct, stole on a whim.
“Every other week we have this talk, Kell.  Besides…Mom drinks soda.”
“Does she drink Pepsi?  I always see Coke in the house.”
Tracy’s facial muscles twitched.  “Look, okay, I just figured I’d stick it in the fridge and someone would end up drinking it.  Okay?”
Tracy’s slight stature—just over five feet tall, just over one hundred pounds—made her frequent bursts of shrieking laughter all the more jarring to anyone in her vicinity.  (Kell thought it a bit like captured lightning trying to escape from the bottle.)  And as she could not keep from voicing her frustration with carefree criminality, nor could Kell keep her face from reshaping itself a pained grimace.  Kell found loud laughter—the type that attempted to expand a room or shrink the sky, the type that pretended to defuse tension—a sign of immaturity.  Nearly as slender as Tracy, but several inches taller, she was aware of her graceful silhouette and furthermore took pride in it.  Braying like a hyena on nitrous oxide went against this image.  With a great sigh, she attempted to save face.
“Endless studies indicate that female shoplifters of all ages and all social stratum, unlike their male counterparts, steal with purpose.  For instance.  A woman would never steal Old Spice deodorant.  But a man would steal lipstick.”
“You and I both know guys who would have use for lipstick, babe.  Hey, hey!”  Tracy stopped abruptly, as Kell inwardly swore and gave thanks that no one else was on their side of the street.  “You think Jim would let Kayla have this candy?  C’mon!  Let’s go by there.”
Tracy’s sweetly tight-lipped smile would have been hard to resist even without the discernible gleam in her eyes.  Kell wordlessly acceded, and they turned on their heels, walking at the same steady pace in the opposite direction.
———————————————
In 1759, Pennsylvania resident Jonathan Hager purchased two-hundred acres of land between the Blue Ridge and Allegheny mountains, naming it “Hager’s Fancy,” in the style of the times.  Three years later, he founded “Elizabethtown,” in honor of his wife, a name that would endure for half a century until official vote rechristened the land “Hagerstown.”
Hagerstown itself came very close to enduring for only half a century.  On July 7, 1864, with the Civil War devastating the country, Confederate Lieutenant General Jubal Early ordered a cavalry of 1,500 soldiers (as led by Brigadier General John McCausland) to invade Hagerstown and collect a ransom in the amount of $200,000.00, plus some clothing, as revenge for the destruction of farms and cattle in the nearby Shenandoah Valley.  If this ransom demand passed unmet, the Confederates would burn Hagerstown to the ground.  McCausland, however, misread the monetary request and headed back with a mere $20,000.00.  A plague in modern downtown Hagerstown was erected over a century later, celebrating the city’s salvation thanks to good old Dixie illiteracy.
For Kell and Tracy, it served another purpose entirely.  The girls could have very simply gone south on foot from their home and bypassed the downtown area altogether, passing little of note but the elementary school and local post office.  Heading west one block, then proceeding south, would send them through the arterial road, Washington Avenue, where they would pass the opposite end of the school and hit downtown in fifteen minutes, crosswalk traffic permitting.
This path was not chosen for the purposes of stimulation, as Hagerstown was long past its 1970s heyday, and was by nearly all standards culturally, socially and architecturally bankrupt.  But both Kell and Tracy had decided that strolling by various Methodist and Lutheran churches constructed of weather-beaten limestone and a depressing array of abandoned storefronts, beat the piss out of the so-called “anchovy apartments”—jammed and stinking—and their perpetually soliciting tenants, hovering like flies around feces, a daunting cast of the addicted, the obese, and the filthy.  White and black, young and old, they occupied the next-to-lowest rung, the one that allowed them someone else’s four walls and little else.  Their discontent fermented bitter venom, and they would bite an outsider just as casually as they would friends and family.  Kell and Tracy had several invisible marks—the latter, especially, with her hair cut page-boy short and dyed cherry-red.  The final strike had come from a morbidly obese woman of middle age (and a mindstate from that time period), a bushel of blonde hair framing an overly and futilely made-up face, her turquoise tank top helpless to hold back the rolling hills of her upper body.  “Get outta here, ya dykes,” she’d sneered, in a voice that had the same nondescript faux-Southern flavor as could be heard in much of the Western Maryland region.  With that, Tracy vowed they would never walk by there again.
The celebratory plague downtown not only reminded the citizenry that they lived where they lived only because some racist idiot couldn’t understand the simple demands of another racist idiot; it let the girls know only one more block lay ahead.
“It has to be eighty degrees already,” Tracy speculated, huffing out a breath to emphasize her point.  “I hope the candy doesn’t melt.”
“Check it.”
“Nah, we’re coming up on Jim’s.  And if it is, hey, Kayla can always fingerpaint with it.”
————————————————-
Tracy Ridenour did not marvel over much, nor for too long, but she wasn’t sure when or if she would ever one day step foot into the one-bedroom apartment shared by her brother Jim, his wife Dana, and their year-old daughter Kayla, and not wonder how long three people could continue in such conditions without hallucinating, applying warpaint to their faces, and begin hunting fat kids outside McDonalds in lieu of actual pigs.
There was no real indication that adults occupied the cramped space.  Toys, obnoxious both in appearance and sound, could be found in every room.  A pair of blankets, pink and yellow, were spread out in front of the television set.  The refrigerator held orange juice, grape juice, milk, condiments, styrofoam containers protecting leftover takeout and—in the one glaring indication that “here be big people”—cans of Bud Light.  The cabinets were less full, containing a few boxes of cereal (the brands varied week to week, but Lucky Charms was the one constant); boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese; bags of marshmallows; and pancake mix.
Simply walking the six feet from the doorway to the couch could dishearten Tracy.  How could anyone live like this?  No, it wasn’t a scene of social service-signalling squalor, but it seemed that Jim and Dana had given their lives—their hobbies, their indulgences, any and everything that made them unique—up for the sake of their child.  This, to Tracy, was not compromise to insure the care of one growing individual.  It was sacrifice.  She’d broached the subject with their mother, asking if she agreed that the couple needed to re-prioritize for sanity’s sake, but the certainly older and ostensibly wiser woman had assured her younger child that Jim and Dana were just typical young married parents.
Understanding keenly that the woman was certainly older and ostensibly wiser, Tracy chose to bite her tongue.  At least around her mother.
“Dude, you look beleagured.”
Jim smirked but offered no contention.  He had, after all, caught sight of his reflection in the microwave door an hour earlier when pulling out the breakfast burrito.  His sand-colored hair was still wet from a shower that seemed to have no effect but to make his fatigue presentable for the public.  His eyes were bloodshot and his chin acne-spotted.
“The ladies are out,”  he informed them, leaning against the front door.  (The couch was large enough for only two reasonably-sized individuals, and Jim Ridenour wouldn’t dream of not giving up his seat(s) for a woman, sister or not.)  “Gone shopping.”
“Beats fishing.  You?”
“Yeah?”
“You doing anything?”
“Cleaning.  Well, actually, I was thinking about it.  Talking to you guys now.  Hey Kell!”
Kell let a light smile dress up her face.  Jim and Tracy shared the trait of inconsistent volume control.
“Drinks, guys?”
“Nah, we’re good.”  Tracy knew Kell preferred to be spoken for in these situations, and Tracy couldn’t have asked to feel better at that moment.  Not even the sight of a cereal bowl on the floor—right by the blankets—could faze her.  Let those chocolate-flavored puffs fight to stay alive!  Dana’s not here!  Sucks she had to take Kayla too, but I guess she’s trying to be a good mom and shit.  Oh well—compromise, right?
“Me too, but I’m still thirsty.”  Jim suddenly stepped forward, reached down to pluck a glass of OJ from the checkered table in front of the couch, and then retreated till his back had hit the door yet again.
“I see Rugrats is on,” Tracy said, pointing at the barely-audible TV.
“Yep.  Kayla loves Rugrats.  I still can’t believe the dude from Devo did the music to that.”
“What dude from Devo?”
“Y’know the dude from Devo.”
“Yeah but Jim there’s like multiple dudes in Devo.”
“Well, y’know…yeah, but I mean the dude in Devo.  He did the music.  The dude!”
“Yeah well they all look alike to me.  The hats and stuff.”  Tracy paused, displeased that the barometer needle had scarcely moved.  “And what are you talking about, Kayla loves Rugrats.  She’s one year old, dude.  One year olds don’t know anything about love.”
“Wrong,” Jim protested, punctuating the proclamation with a hearty citrus belch, causing Kell’s guts to perform an gruesome acrobatic routine.  “That’s the age when love is all you need.  Before you get old and forget what you didn’t even know you knew!  All she needs is love.  And food.  She loves cookies, just like ol’ Dad.”  He glanced down to the table, as if expecting to see a carton of cookies, and grew so discomfited when not seeing one that he didn’t hear Tracy’s light admonishment at a 20 year old calling himself “ol’ Dad.”
“I’ll be right back.”  As the girls sat and shared bemused looks, rustling sounds emanated from a short distance away.   Jim had retreated to the kitchen on a cookie hunt.  He returned, furrow along his forehead.  “Well, all I gotta say is, Dana better get some cookies while she’s out.”
Tracy was watching her brother intently, shaking her head at how easily the little boy in him could pop out and beat pots and pans, when she noticed a bluish-purple bruise on the left side of Jim’s forehead.  How had she noticed the bloodshot eyes but not such a nasty knot?
“Dude, ouch!”  She pointed to the corresponding spot on her own head.
“What?  Oh…oh yeah.”  Jim shrugged and confessed, sheepishly, “ I fell in the shower this morning.”
“Does it hurt?” Kell wondered.
“Throbs a little.  I’m keeping an eye on it.”
“You are fucking hardcore, man, “ his sister teased.  Then it was time for Tracy’s guts to do their own synchronized set of flips and splits when she turned her head and caught Kell’s gaze and smile in her direction.
“Nothing compared to you, though.  I’m serious.   On a scale from Billie Joe Armstrong to Ben Weasel, how punk do you feel right now?  Or do you, as a young riotous gal prefer the ‘from Belinda Carlisle to Kathleen Hanna’ scale?”
“Woooow.  Hey Jim, do you remember when you were punk?  Before you had a kid?”
“I do, I do,” he nodded, polishing off the orange juice and proceeding to tap the now-empty glass against his right thigh.  “Those were good days.  I rebelled against Mom, Dad, school, jobs, condoms.  Got me where I am today.  And how is our earthbound mother lately?”
“Fine.  What?”
Jim’s face was stretched in a smile so wide Kell was almost convinced she’d heard skin crack.  The natural blue of his eyes began to outshine the burst vessels around them as he rocked back and forth on his heels.  For a few seconds, Tracy feared the knock on her big bro’s noggin was having deleterious effects.
“I know she is.  I spoke with her on the phone this morning.”  His eyes shot from Tracy to Kell, back to Tracy.  “She says you’ve turned into an animal activist and I should ask you about it?”
Kell’s body began to shake with inhibited laughter.  Her grin, combined with the one still on Jim’s face, could have measured a greater wattage than the bulb used to illuminate the adjacent kitchen.  Tracy glared at her and barked, “Tell him then!  I won’t give him the satisfaction of hearing me tell it.”
Clearing her throat, Kell concentrated her gaze on the man six feet away, his arms now crossed in anticipation.
“Okay, it was last night.  Tracy and I decided to go to the movies with our friend.  Tracy also agreed to drive us all there.  On the way, she decides to inform us that just before leaving the house, she went in the bathroom and dropped some acid.  For just the second time in her life.  She thought that it would enhance the film-going experience.  Maybe it would have.”  Kell chuckled and fought the urge to glance over at Tracy, knowing that doing so would cause a complete collapse into a hysterical laughter that she couldn’t afford to allow.
“We get to the strip mall and before she can even find a parking space, Tracy stops the car.  She’s practically hyperventilating.  Sweating, face as red as her hair.  She jumps out of the Cadillac, literally jumps over the door, and starts running up and down the parking lot, flailing her arms around and screaming.  Then, suddenly, she stops in front of this one empty space.  The lot isn’t very full yet, it’s like 5:30, but this one space just grabbed her attention.  She goes:  ‘No one can park here!’  And then she just stands there.  Like she’s on guard.
“I tell our friend to wait a second.  I get out of the car, opening the door like a normal sober person, and walk over to Tracy.  I ask her, ‘What is happening right now, honey?’  Tracy proceeds to explain that a family of koala bears has gathered within the lines of the parking space, and it is up to her to guarantee their safety until they can be relocated.  Or, as she put it, ‘Kell, if somebody doesn’t stand up and take responsibility, they’re gonna get parked on!’
“Meanwhile the Cadillac is blocking one of the turns into this lot.  Our poor friend just sitting there.  A guy in another car yells ‘I’m calling mall security!’  and Tracy yells back, ‘Finally!’  Then she goes back to the car, gets in, and we park.  We’re ready to go see a movie.  Except for Tracy.  Protecting poor little animal families makes her very tired, you see, and she took a nap in the backseat for the next ninety minutes.”
Jim, who had stood in rapturous silence while Kell told the story, letting his eyes speak for him all the while, could only look over at his thoroughly humiliated sister and shake his head.  “You are a Ridenour, girl.  We handle our drugs.”
After Jim had laughed himself into a coughing fit, a protracted silence settled over the small space.  Kell knew, from experience, that soon one of the siblings would stammer out a half-hearted reason to break up the party.  She also noticed that it would most likely be Tracy to do the honors, as Jim was looking at them with an uncharacteristic friendly smile, as if he was genuinely pleased they were here and speaking so casually with him, and he hoped they would extend the visit.  Briefly she considered the possibility of a wake ’n bake, but remembered just as quickly that Jim had once told them both he never smoked in the apartment.
“All right, Jim.  We’re gonna head out now.  Tell Kayla I said what’s up.”
“Oh.  Okay.”  His face began to fall, but caught itself before crashing completely.
“But, before we do that…”   Tracy dug in her canvas tote bag—plain gray, as she hated the idea of shilling for a brand or having someone notice a name or design before they noticed her—and pulled out a true handful of Kit Kat candy bars.  “A little something for the family.  Sorry it’s not cookies.”
“Kayla will definitely not get to sleep by midnight tonight.  You’re the best, sis.”
Kell and Tracy got up from the couch and approached the door, the latter giving her best aw-shucks shrug.  “See ya, Jim.  Ice that head, dude.”
——————————————————–
“He needs to take care of that thing, seriously, he’ll scare Kayla.  Oh my God!  Kell, when we get back home, please remember to ask Mom about the time Jim cracked his head trying to fly out of the living room window.  Ohhh, why didn’t I remember that back there on the couch?  At least in my dumb story I was on drugs.  He was just an idiot boy.”
A mischievous bastard wind had suddenly materialized on the way home, causing Kell’s hair to fly up from the middle of her back and pile atop of her head.  Every few seconds she would have to shake her head and straighten her hair with both hands while an unencumbered Tracy clucked in semi-sympathy.
“I hate the summer wind,” Kell groused.
“Isn’t that a song?  ‘The Summer Wind’?  From the fifties or something?”
“Probably.”
“There should be a song called, ‘I Hate the Summer Wind.’ But it would be like a loud and nasty song.  Short, but it gets the point across.  Loud, nasty and short, like my brother’s wife!”  Tracy turned her head in the direction from whence they’d came to shout the last sentence.
The hysterical shriek that escaped Tracy’s mouth sent a nearby Jack Russell Terrier from his owner’s living room to the front door.  But it was the words said before that sent a beast of an entirely different sort to the front of Kell’s mind, knocking out all concerns over affection-starved brothers and unruly follicles.  A beast whose shape, size and sounds were no less intimidating for their familiarity.
“Tracy,” Kell said in a measured tone, trying not to show her hand too rashly.  “I’m going to ask your mom about Jim thinking he can fly when we can get home.  Then I have something to ask you.”
“Okay.  Anything major?”
“Not particularly.”  Just curious if you think you can fly.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Neither Elegy Nor Effigy: The 30 Greatest Sonic Youth Songs...And the 10 Worst (Part Three)

Pretentious preamble sucks.  Yer gonna smile, sneer or shrug at these choices no matter what.

10.  "Kotton Krown"
APPEARS ON:  Sister (1987)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  Not listed

Love song definitely, but what's the object of affection?  A person?  A city?  Heroin?  Is it heroin?

Thurston's interview-speak supports the non-opiate theory ("It's a fine line between sensuous and sleazy").  Giving credence to the more sordid take is that a cotton ball can be used to filter the heroin solution just prior to shooting up.  Only one person knows for sure, and it's possible he's actually forgotten by now.

Lyrically, I can't but want to bake it muffins:  "Angels are dreaming of you," "Your carnal spirit's spraying," "I'm a Care Bear."  Wait...misheard that last one.  But yeah, who the hell writes like that?  This is back when Thurston was a true poet, long before he felt compelled to adopt the affectations of one.  "Angels are dreaming of you" floors me to this day.  I'm serious.  Don't try picking me up either.

Musically, it's a roaming zoo packed with pandas and komodo dragons.  2:12 to 3:51 is the aural manifestation of an orgasm having an orgasm.

"White Kross" comes screaming right after "Kotton Krown," short and sweat-splashed in sharp contrast.  It educes this very unnatural desire in my heart--to escape my body.  First it eyes what would seem the easiest route by attempting to burst from my chest, then up through the throat, and finally it pushes laboriously against my spine.  No such luck, ticker o' mine.

9.  "Rain King"
APPEARS ON:  Daydream Nation (1988)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  29


Sonic Youth's most woefully underappreciated song. The stream-of-consciousness lyrics pop up through SY's version of classic rock like the eternally cool observations of a man who has seen enough to know you shouldn't see it all.  "Crossfire rain king with his cadillac kid/Marries every dictionary from his trainyard bliss." Are you fucking serious, Ranaldo?  A writer needs some gelatinous cognitive processes happening in his head and deeply-stained blood rushing through everywhere else to scratch those words out.  Amazing, amazing language. 

I already explained why I chose "Hey Joni" over "Eric's Trip," so why "Rain King" over "Hey Joni"?  Letter-chain magic.  Work it just right, and the world will volunteer to be your assistant.

8.  "Hoarfrost"
APPEARS ON:  A Thousand Leaves (1998)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  13

Lee's best song as a member of Sonic Youth; his upcoming solo album may or may not have a track to better it.  No song, save for the gently falling "Skating" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, evokes winter with more sure-footed vision.  It's tempting to melt into the nearest surface when "Hoarfrost" fills the room.

With this song and "Karen Koltrane," Lee shines on what I feel is SY's best album.  So wherefore art the damn thing then?  On the cusp.  Just "Hoarfrost" is more in my mind these days, is all.

7.  "Starfield Road"
APPEARS ON: Experimental Jet Set, Trash and No Star (1994)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  15

Give grown men zap-guns and they'll regress in record time.  It's all fun and games till the spacecraft lands.  The invasion will be brief and devastating, thankfully.  Meticulous planners, those so-called "aliens." 

My dear Patrick and I were in attendance to witness the reappearance--after twelve long years--of this song in concert.  When Steve busted out the BOOM BOOM PISH BOOM BOOM BOOM PISH, we were hopeless to do anything other than erupt.  Just another memory for the friendliest bank I'll ever do business with.  

Also?  Best introduction in the history of anything.

"Bull in the Heather" is Neptune, "Starfield Road" is Saturn.

6.  "The Diamond Sea"
APPEARS ON:  Washing Machine (1995)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  3

Stands with "Kool Thing," "Schizophrenia" and "Teen Age Riot" on the shortlist of songs that can claim the title of SY's signature tune.  At 19:35, it is the longest song to ever appear on a Sonic full-length.  

It is possible to experience a positive crisis, which seems to be the case for the protagonist of "Diamond Sea," a lucky soul experiencing the first wondrous days of romantic love in bloom.  Thurston's words are solicitous and kind, but it's the extended instrumental section that does the most to quell the anxiety threatening to derail a beautiful journey.  The method so used expresses an entire lifetime spent in thrall to the heart.  Life, to death.   In between, don't be afraid to share a secret or two.

Before "The Diamond Sea"'s appearance at the end, Washing Machine's title track was the longest song on an SY record--nine whole minutes!  Kim rides the blissful memory of sippin' a soda and rolling her eyes at the future while the jittery kid in the orange/red down vest a few tables over inadvertently makes his mom crush on him.  

5.  "Massage the History"
APPEARS ON:  The Eternal (2009)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  Not listed

To hear Kim Gordon tell it, you need to really lean in.  Once at optimum position to discern words, she'll gladly tell your her dual inspirations for "Massage the History":  Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the dying record industry.  Definitely explains the blood-sucking references, and also why Kim sounds like she's pale and shaking the entire time.  

Except isn't about a TV show or gasping monolith.  I mean that's cute and all, Kim knows how to work a soundbite and make the idiot fishermen happy with their catch, but this song is probably the most personal she's written since "Sweet Shine."  

The band make us wait 100 seconds before Kim starts singing. The lead in is a magnificent melding of Thurston's acoustic and Lee's electric slide guitar. The resultant mirage melts bones.  

2:51 to 2:54. Three seconds where the best parts go taut against each other. Lee's mournful slide; Kim's yearning voice. It seems almost impossible for such a rapturous concurrence of sounds to exist. That it does is testament to the rewards of the journey.

"You're so close/Close to me."

If this was the last song Sonic Youth ever recorded…brilliant.  Standing fucking ovation till my hands become raw.

Putting another song against this one isn't fair.

4.  "Inhuman"
APPEARS ON:  Confusion Is Sex (1983)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  22

And if this was the last song I ever saw Sonic Youth perform live….

How powerful is a blow that breaks your tongue and makes your teeth bleed?   Funny how I even see it coming and can't (or won't) stop the assault.  Sick, sick puppies all around.    

Thurston's rumble-fuck bass instills in me the very mistaken notion that I can dropkick a brick loose from a wall.  

"(She's In A) Bad Mood" is analogous to "Inhuman" in that both traffic in sketchy menace, but the chick Thurston's yakkin' about doesn't scare me.  She can borrow some of my Midol and deal with it.

3.  "Theresa's Sound World"
APPEARS ON:   Dirty (1992)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  4

We all know a Theresa; maybe you're fortunate enough to be one.  In touch with worlds beyond, privy to sounds and visions that escape the limited purview of the huddled masses yearning to be, a gracious host and compassionate friend…even if she doesn't seem to have a filter on her thoughts.  Her unabashed, uninhibited spirit emboldens some, repulses others, and affects everyone deeply.  

She is not a sex symbol, and cannot be swayed by the crackling come-ons of silly boys.  I like you, "Sugar Kane," but you aren't a Theresa.

2.  "Silver Rocket"
APPEARS ON:  Daydream Nation (1988)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  2

Flat-out rock and goddamn roll with patented feedback break, all in the aid of electrical edification.  Flashing, smashing, bending, upending, mighty usurper of gruesome thoughts, "Silver Rocket" tells me that space travel is kinda crap when so much potential exists down here with astral travel still.  

"Teen Age Riot" is a true anthem inasmuch as a self-aware, highly intelligent band will allow.  But it never changed my life.

1.  "Star Power"
APPEARS ON:  EVOL (1986)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  1

Still the champion of my Sonic heart, and always will be.  I'll put it in writing and notarize that baby. 

"Star Power" isn't forever linked in my mind with some pivotal life-event, it doesn't put me in  mind of a special someone--I just fucking love the song.  EVOL was SY's first album with Steve Shelley behind the kit, and "Star Power" is their first true attempt at "pop," with the new kid laying down a martinet beat that allows Lee and T to tentatively explore melodic fields.  Kim takes her (then) husband's words and recites them in a voice that gives the impression she's several hundred paces from the boy party, reflecting on idol worship with a promethazine passion, somehow sounding alluring despite her deliberate remove.  

"Everything turns black to blue."  Everything.  Hell, even the truncated acoustic version they recorded in 2009 for some show I don't care about was dipped in honey.

I have waxed so rapturous over what happens from 1:02-1:16, likened it to shaving mountainsides with nylon strings, claimed it was the closest any of us will get to attaining "sensory sponge" status without the use of illicit drugs, and most drunkenly proclaimed it would be the first song Snoopy played at a pizza party.  I ain't wrong about any of it.

I know many of you will bemoan that I did not place "Shadow of a Doubt" anywhere in my top 30.  Well, I gotta be in the mood for sexually-charged murder plots playing out on accelerating vehicles.  I am always in the "Star Power" mood.

Okay, on to the controversy.  Why do a "Worst" list?  Well, I've written so much about my favorite band, and as their chapter seems ready to come to a close, so is mine.  Writing about SY has done more for me than I can tell you. So if I'm about to call it a day,  might as well cover all the bases.  I've never done a "Worst of SY" before (frankly 'cause they don't have very many bad songs over 27 years of recording music) so this is new territory for me and my pen.   And also, they're a band of human beings, not the Four Sublime Lords come into Being.  They fuck up sometimes.  Ten times, in fact.  

10.  "Do You Believe In Rapture?"
APPEARS ON:  Rather Ripped (2006)

What a waste of harmonics.  The American people sure as fuck didn't deserve eight years of aw-shucks Godboy Bush anymore than the people of the world deserved three minutes of soggy faux-protest poetry.  

9.  "Satan Is Boring"
APPEARS ON:  Bad Moon Rising (1985)

Song is boring.  Drugs make music better except when they don't.  

8.  "Lights Out"
APPEARS ON:  Rather Ripped (2006)

I swear I don't hate Rather Ripped; NYC Ghosts and Flowers is still their least impressive album.  But Jesus, the nadirs on Rather Ripped are just jaw-droppingly bad.  It's okay for Thurston to sing along to the guitar line so long as said line is interesting.  Don't meander and call it menace.  OOH IT'S LIGHTS OUT FOR ME I'M SO SCARED.  Pfft.

7.  "In the Mind of the Bourgeois Reader" 
APPEARS ON:  Experimental Jet Set, Trash and No Star (1994)

What a waste of an amazing title.  Thurston coulda saved this one by pulling a Gadsby of sorts:  no use of the letter "o" anywhere in the lyrics.  I vaguely remember liking this one when the album was first released, but I was sixteen and easily impressed.

6.  "Peace Attack"
APPEARS ON: Sonic Nurse (2004)

Thurston's heartfelt desire for a just world is commendable.  Writing songs that bore me a hole allowing me to fall to my death, not commendable.  Maybe an additional verse would have given the track some variety and thus spice and thus life?  I dunno.  When Thurston's in putrid-poet mode it's best not to give him any more room.   

5.  "My Arena"
APPEARS ON:  "The Diamond Sea" single (1995)

Advice:  Write sober, edit wasted.  Not the reverse, which is clearly what happened here.  Soft as chow mein noodles.  Quick repetition of the last word in a line helps make any song 25% more "what the hell is this shit?"  It's befuddling how it starts off with Thurston's envelope poetry ("You smell like a rosary/And you like a Jew") and then some Jet Set-style Kim takes over.  Her refrains are mildly pleasing, but go on for far too long.  "Nowhere to go, nothing to do," and nothing to say atop it all.

"You drunk all my wine girl."  Yeah, well you clearly got hold of all the crack, my dude.

4.  "Self-Obsessed and Sexxee"
APPEARS ON:  Experimental Jet Set, Trash and No Star (1994)

Another song where I admire and appreciate Thurston's sentiments while utterly loathing the overall execution.  The only interesting part of the song is the "party all the time" refrain, which just makes me want to listen to that Eddie Murphy song.  

3.  "Stalker"
APPEARS ON: "Drunken Butterfly" single (1992)

I would rather have a stalker than listen to this song.  "Got me prowlin' like a police car."  Dude, how did this happen?  

2.  "Sleepin' Around"
APPEARS ON:  Rather Ripped (2006)

A promising instrumental chug turned fatuous throwaway thanks to--

"Sleepin' around/Sleepin' around/What would the neighbors say?"  

Oh, I have some ideas.  Post-K & T split this song makes me even more squeamish.  It's enough that their separation has tainted a good song like "Titanium Expose," but turning this one from piss-poor to crappy is just beyond the pale.

1.  "Small Flowers Crack Concrete"
APPEARS ON:  NYC Ghosts and Flowers (2000)

I have a love/hate relationship with this song.  It's about as enjoyable to listen to as synchronized puking, but man is it fun to scribble out some parodic poetry in its dishonor.  Give me some aimless hippie drivel and I'll work like Rumpelstiltskin on that shit.  

Some songs should be accompanied by a list of possible side effects.  "Small Flowers Crack Concrete" is one of them.  "May cause shortness of breath, nausea, rash, drowsiness, loss of appetite, heartburn and narcotic squads to sweep through your poet den."  Poetry for the sake of poetry, oh ghost of T. S. Eliot won't you save us from poetry for the sake of poetry!   On the title track, Lee does it right.  He delivers his carefully-chosen words casually at first, then lets the emotion build up naturally.  The end result is an actual song, as opposed to, your band came up with some music, and you threw a poem you had laying around on top of it.  



Now, then...that wasn't so bad, was it?  



Monday, March 5, 2012

Neither Elegy Nor Effigy: The 30 Greatest Sonic Youth Songs...And the 10 Worst (Part Two)


20.  "JC"
APPEARED ON:  Dirty (1992)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  Not listed

Kim and Thurston each wrote a song to memorialize their friend Joe Cole, a roadie who had slogged it out with Black Flag and later the Rollins Band.  He was murdered on December 19, 1991, shot at point-blank range outside the home he shared with Henry Rollins, victim of a botched robbery attempt.  Both tracks found a place on Dirty--Thurston's fried-pig squeal "100%" and Kim's "JC."  The former was released as a single and remained a perennial live favorite.  The latter was never put out for the public as a digestible representation of the album that was supposed to break SY in the mainstream, and was dropped from concerts after 1993.  

"JC" doesn't have the high profile, true, but so what.  It squeezes my bones.  You know how infrequently that happens?  For years Dirty was my favorite album, and while it's actually fallen in my estimation in the twenty years since, "JC" has risen.  

Adolescents think they know anguish, and they do--but rarely as intensely as they imagine. I'm in my 30s.  A lot has happened since I was 14 and playing Dirty incessantly.  My father died.  I had not one but two medical crises, the last of which was just a couple weeks ago.  I can now grasp and visualize a world where I do not exist.  How many teens can say that?  Come on, the world still revolves around your self-important ass at that stage in life.  As you mature, certain base facts of life finally hit and spread out in a sticky web over the brain.  I used to get so into the resplendent anguish sighing out of "JC" that it invigorated me--I thought I could relate!  Ha.  No.  Now I can, and it doesn't excite me.  

I get why Kim rushes her delivery; she's taking control by testing the elasticity of her lungs,  heart still aching over an unfair trial.   Or is it the fact that some eulogists need time to compose themselves between sentences, to catch their breath before it leaves forever, to soldier on and "do right by" their loved ones, while still others just want to get the process over with, so they unleash a torrent of emotions, vacillating between blunted desolation, hysterical disbelief, and grievous acceptance.  To hear the usually self-possessed and imperious Kim Gordon reveal her heart like this is still a shattering experience.

Adversely, "100%" is a raucous tribute that gives insight to Cole's character.  It is distinctly how a guy would see his friend, and how he would honor his buddy for the benefit of outsiders.  

19.  "Orange Rolls, Angels Spit"
APPEARED ON:  Dirty (1992)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  10

More Dirty, more Kim.  Empirical evidence indicates that this is indeed the very fucking filthiest thing on that record.  Kim told an interviewer way back when that "Orange Rolls" was about "drug craziness," and given that until a few years ago I understood approximately 8-10 words in the whole damn thing, I could buy that explanation.  The way Kim forces the words through gritted teeth, the revving guitars…it's craziness, at the very least, sizzling through the floor to collapse in a sweet sweaty heap.  The process is repeated till the Earth's core is reached.  From that point on--all bets are off.

"Orange Rolls" is just more terrifying a listen than the other Kim "rocker" on Dirty, the classic rock-pilfering "Drunken Butterfly."  Oh, that one's a basket of honey biscuits, no question.  I've spasmed something silly to it at many an SY gig.  

18.  "I Love You Golden Blue"
APPEARED ON:  Sonic Nurse (2004)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  19

Wow, I sure like Kim.  Yeah, she's kinda the hero.  

The description I wrote for "Golden Blue" in my review of Sonic Nurse cannot, for my multi-colored money, be improved upon.

Like watching a loved one, or maybe even the loved one, slowly slip away. Before the color drains away completely, before functions cease and respiration expires, there's the moment when that which animates us,that essence, reaches the pinnacle before continuing on its peregrination. "Is it time to go? It's a place I know."

Kim's voice is barely there and all the more beautiful for it. She illuminates the chilled terror, the hysteria felt whenever caught in that space between awareness and oblivion. "I can't feel the thrill. I don't have the will."

"I Love You Golden Blue" sounds so precious, so fragile. The introductory instrumental feels like a shroud but when it's finally lifted there's just even greater mystery shimmering underneath.

"I don't glitter like the stars above. I don't glow like neon alone. Don't blush. It's just the wind outside. Don't rush to be by my side." 

"Golden Blue" is the second in a so-called "trilogy" of Kim epics that were either the ultimate or penultimate tracks of three of Sonic Youth's last four albums, the others being "Sympathy for the Strawberry" from Murray Street, and "Massage the History" from The Eternal.  "Strawberry" is the only one to miss this list, but I love it, believe me, all red and white and leafy green, just dying to land in some sugar.

17.  "Beauty Lies in the Eye"
APPEARED ON:  Sister (1987)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  14

Over calming acoustic strums and scattered lion yawns, Kim captures the echoes of passionate abandon as they ricochet off the walls and recreates them in her divine image.

"Do you want to see the explosions in my eye?"  I'm already hearing them just fine, but…sure.  Why not?

Kim's other stand-out turn on Sister is "Pacific Coast Highway."  Problem with that song for me nowadays, when the band brought it back live in the early part of this century, Kim busted out a trumpet for some decidedly non-marching band heroics during the Beach Boy breakdown.  I keep waiting for that on the record, and it's not there!  Aw man.  You know else isn't there?  The drums.  Poor Steve!  Wait a second, he just played drums on an early contender for album of the year, poor Steve nothin'.

16.  "Cross the Breeze"
APPEARED ON:  Daydream Nation (1988)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  Not listed

Heroes are disposable and promises are broken records, made to warp over time.  There are many methods one can use to soothe the savage beast…music is the just the most popular one.  You can never chase the demon off, though.  It's as much a part of us as our tongues.  

Hearing both "The Sprawl" and "Cross the Breeze" back-to-back at certain latterly SY gigs (including the Daydream Nation concert in Brooklyn, 2007) was like a fangirl dream come true.  So much time spent cursing my fate in being born too late, and they go and play the whole friggin' thing front to back.  Some shows I couldn't stop moving…other shows I seemed to forget how.  "The Sprawl" lives up to its title a little too much, though; "Cross the Breeze" measures out the moods expertly.  Hence, my decision.

15.  "Stereo Sanctity"
APPEARED ON:  Sister (1987)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  Not listed

Oh hi Thurston!  I didn't forget you.  You got the magic, most tall one, and great taste in sci-fi lit.  Reason #23 To Adore Sonic Youth:  one of 'em'll read a book, hear a song, see a film or a painting that makes 'em write a song, that in turn makes someone else write a song, read a book, shoot a film, splash a canvas, etc.  Gold connections.

For lifting from Philip K. Dick, using the word "field," and rocking sans any discernible remorse, "Stereo Sanctity" takes the crown over "Catholic Block," which hits the red just as strongly, but oh man does Catholic guilt kill my girl-chubby.  Thurston's not even explicit in that regard, but it doesn't matter, not one whit, man.  Spending your refractory period in sullen contemplation of whether or not your recent orgasm has doomed your soul is the opposite of "sexy."

14.  "Hey Joni"
APPEARED ON:  Daydream Nation (1988)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  Not listed

And look here, it's Mr. Lee!  

Of the three songs on Daydream Nation featuring Lee Ranaldo on the mic, three of them kick ass.  This one, most fabulously.  Is it about Joni Mitchell?  The '70s cop flick Mitchell, starring international sex symbol Joe Don Baker?  "Hey Joe"?  "Hey Bulldog"?  Heroin?  Is it heroin?!

You wanna solve mysteries, go find Encyclopedia Brown and tell him Sally owes me money.  "Hey Joni" is both a devastatingly beautiful renunciation of nostalgia and a word-sick embrace of the here and now.  My favorite line in the song is, all of them.  

Moreso than his bandmates, Lee loves to use his songs to reflect on the meaningful fragments people leave behind of themselves.  The line between stranger and friend is thin as floss, filaments tensed and loosened at an almost-unnerving rate.  Some folks detach themselves and watch the process impassively, while there's some who just can't help but jump into the fray, frothing hearts and minds, seeking kindred spirits--even if just for a little while.    Even in "Eric's Trip," which borrows dialogue from Warhol's Chelsea Girls, Lee makes it sound like he's reciting original lyrics, like this dude Eric is his high school buddy or something.  Fooled me, dude!  "Eric's Trip" is super-beloved by the fanbase as well, and I like it just fine.  I've seen it live about, uh, 900 times.  It's all about the Drifter, dude, can't forget Thurston bustin' out that rode-hard-put-away-harder Drifter.  Drumstick delirium.  But no moment in "Eric's Trip" approaches, even tenuously, Lee's putting the motherfucking "Hey!" in "Hey Joni."  

13.  "Sweet Shine"
APPEARS ON:  Experimental Jet Set, Trash and No Star
PREVIOUS RANKING:  8

Really thought this would stay in the top ten, but hey, I gotta rank 'em honest.

Another one that's hard on the heart nowanights.  I'm likely off by several paces in all directions, but "Sweet Shine" played to me like Kim's reflection on her (then) decade-long marriage to the world's tallest 12-year-old.  I broke it down on the old list, and I'm sure it was exhilarating for me to write all that out at the time and pull at my brain like so much soda-flavored taffy, but considering revisiting all of that exhausts me.  

Do not let your babies grow up to be cowboys, is all I'll say.  

Alongside "JC" and "Massage the History," "Sweet Shine" is part of the what I call my "tearful triumvirate" of Sonic Youth tunes.  Each of them can get my eyes to well up at least, and more than once they've been responsible for some embarrassing full-out bawling.  Kim's voice is far from delicate and soaring, but where other female singers phonate at a level that wins competitions and tops charts, she's doing what she must in order to serve the soul of the song.  Too many vocalists aim for the skies; Kim knows the truest target is much closer to the middle.

She hits a little lower than that on "Skink," a lullaby about having sex by an aquarium.  Lotsa blue, lotsa green, lotsa vision gone black to blue, and oh God I hope neither of them kicks the aquarium.  Freedom will kill the fish, you know.

12.  "Rain on Tin"
APPEARS ON:  Murray Street (2002)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  Not listed

Never shall the rot set in, "Rain On Tin" will endure for the ages.  A kind, thoughtful reflection on fragility in the wake of September 11, 2001, Thurston's lyrical economy is surpassed only by the medicinal effect of what comes after, when the last word vanishes into the polluted air and the music begins its loom work.  Thurston, Lee and temp worker Jim O'Rourke are not showing off; how gauche to assume otherwise.  Yes, it's all very impressive.  The three of them sound like they've been playing together for longer than two albums worth of material, that's for sure.  But how does it feel?  A stitch in the heart.  A gentle thought for harsh words. Embracing the inexorable as invaluable.  Forward motion always.

"Rain on Tin" dissolves pain.  I've needed it so much lately.  And I know, it's just a placebo.  But as far as phantom treatments go…I've never had one go further.

The next album's "Pink Steam" gets it all back-assward.  Extended instrumental intro, then lyrics.  Oh, the lyrics!  "I'm the man who loves your mother."  Well, the average woman would want that special guy in their life to feel fondness towards their mother, right?  Makes Thanksgiving much more tolerable, anyway.  But it's nothing to put in a song!

11.  "Mote"
APPEARS ON:  Goo (1990)
PREVIOUS RANKING:  21

I played the liver-loving onions outta this song and "Titanium Expose" in the days immediately after my brother let me borrow his CD of Goo.  Lee's lyrics never float so high above the listener that we are unable to make out their distinguishing features, just one of the qualities that endears him to fans who bemoan his dark horse status in Sonic Youth.  To pull off such a feat amid a blanket of mosquitoes is another one.

The last four minutes are akin to slurping from a bottle of Makers Mark in between bouts of vomiting into the toilet you're leaning against lest you get sucked into a wormhole and die.  And yes…that is a compliment.  Wordless debauchery and paranoia for the flawless victory!  

If "Mote" is not Exhibit A in the case for Sonic Youth arranging dates between love and rackets with a proficiency matched by no other sound-makers, it's comes no later than "D."  Further down would be "NYC Ghosts and Flowers," the glaring highlight on the underwhelming album of the same name. Ten years after "Mote," Lee would put some more vagabond vandalism in front of a wailing torrent.  Although "NYC" remains stirring--again, it is far and away the best thing about the album--it lacks "Mote"'s motion and color.