Snoopy Presents: A Summer Musical

 

AIRDATE: 8/15/2025

STORY:  Charlie Brown's final year of summer camp is here, and in classic Chuck Biz fashion, he can't have too much fun before the worry warts pop up. Decreasing attendance means his beloved Cloverhill Ranch will soon make way for the marvels of progress, and his little sister Sally won't know the joys of bonding with nature. The solution? A music festival. 8

MUSIC: Is the thing. This is the third Peanuts musical, and first in 37 years. The five songs here shine bright and sweet, even Sally's hilariously Schulzian protest "A Place Like This." Although that song, and the opener "Best Time Ever," are the tunes that hung around my mind after watch #1, the other three offerings (written by Ben Folds) only improved upon subsequent listening/viewing. 8.5

ANIMATION: Nature's beautiful bounty (bountiful beauty?) is rendered gorgeously throughout. "When We Were Light"--arguably the slowest grower on the soundtrack--is enhanced by the visuals, including a captivating night sky over the lake waters that rates among the finest animation ever seen in a Peanuts special. 10

VOICES: Salute to Etienne Kellici, who is now narrating Mutual of Omaha's Wild Puberty, and probably won't be called back for another go as Charlie Brown. (Additional hand-on-head to Jayd Deroche, who provided CB's singing voice.) Isabella Leo is a fine Lucy as always, but Hattie Kragten's Sally steals the show. If the mind is a playground, Sally's is nothing but swing sets. Grumpy forth, despairing back. Smitten forth, indignant back. 9's all around. 

 

 

 

WE ARE FANS OF PROGRESS 

--Snoopy's side-shenanigans actually affect the main plot! 

--The flashbacks of Charlie Brown's earlier camp excursions feature animated versions of OG Chuck and puppy Snoopy (although not for the first time).

--So, Sally hates camp so bad she'll sing about how much she hates camp, but she runs into a horse and then all of a sudden camp's great? Uh, yeah. 

 

 

I WAS JUSTIFIED IN BEING WARY 

--The plot does feel rushed, and an extra five to ten minutes would've helped quite a bit. 

--No human voice for Snoopy! Third time truly is the charm.

--The eco-friendly messaging may strike some viewers as heavy-handed and borderline insulting to audience intelligence. I call these viewers, "offline."

--The Snoopy siblings make an appearance, and that's wonderful, but Olaf on drums? Schulz would not allow this Andy disrespect, and Homer Simpson would not allow this jug disrespect.  

 

 

Although pacing issues keep A Summer Musical from joining the likes of One-of-a-Kind Marcie and Welcome Home, Franklin, it's still a cute way to pass forty minutes. The earnestness and hope on display may cause some more cynical observers to bristle, to which I say, real life is giving us enough crap. Don't be afraid to smile, laugh, sing, or give a damn. 

 

 

Mind The Gash (Bottlecap Press)

 My first chapbook, now on sale!

 

25 poems, real and raw, celebrations of strength and struggle. Head over to the Bottlecap webstore! (And if you buy two chapbooks, you can get a third free--just use discount code BTGO)
 

Fall Down On The World, Risk Burns

LITTLE ROPE

1/19/2024 

Album Eleven is Ten Strong, Thirty-Four Long, More Songs About Our Collapsing World, produced by The Paper Chase Guy. On the surface, a familiar equation. 

Sleater-Kinney were halfway through the writing process for Little Rope when Carrie Brownstein received word her mother and stepfather had died in an auto accident while vacationing in Italy. The resultant recording is not a soaring lament or a sour tantrum. Little Rope is, first last and foremost, the whistles of a warrior hobbling along the battlefield. 

"Hell"- Some of you have never gotten older, and it shows.

For whatever "trademarks" S-K have seemingly abandoned (the dual vocal lines, the snotty snoots, the jagged journeys to right front quadrants), the yearning choruses are still full-throttle. This here Hereafter is choked with scentless smoke and methanol flames.

"Needlessly Wild"- For Portland's finest to put the word "needless" in a song title given the mess of slop certain former acolytes have found fit to fling in their general direction since the departure of drummer Janet Weiss is pretty bold. 

Oh, the song? A self-aware Cars-ian bop, mixing straw and sound under the influence of Grenadine syrup. 

"Say It Like You Mean It"- Flexes the lean muscle of the heart one minute, injects a slow-acting paralyzing agent the next. It's easy to wallow and ring hollow, harder to find salvation in the sparks.

"Hunt You Down" - Everything, everything is dangerous. Including dancing. One trip, one slip and it's RIP. Carrie sounds scared the music might swallow her up, and there's something oddly reassuring about so venerated a flyer still demonstrating doubts in their co-pilot. 

 "Small Finds" - Vibe on red honey, vibe on.

"Don't Feel Right" - There's not thing one inherently wrong with the nag, the catch, the cajole, the hook so thickly-baited the steel bends. 

 "Six Mistakes" - Probably deserves better verses; definitely not to be confused with Six Murderous Beliefs. 

This is racket-gang Sleater-Kinney, and I love love some racket-gang S-K.

"Crusader" - Echoes contain multitudes. Now, more than ever, more than when this album was released, the wretched must die. 

"Dress Yourself" - The new-girl march, complete with synthesized chants. One thing this band will never abandon is their belief in sound as the purpose, the panacea, the pretty little monster.

"Untidy Creature" - Carrie did not run from music when tragedy struck; she picked the guitar up and played more than ever before, to know that she could, do it and good, and she also needed her band. Specifically: "I needed to hear Corin's voice."

More of the world needs to hear Corin Tucker's voice. Siren, separator, scintillating. All music, of whatever quality, evokes mortality. A song I love makes me want to live forever. And this, "Untidy Creature," is a song I love, another brilliant album-closer from a band who's gotten especially good at them. 

 

Sleater-Kinney have now released two albums since their drummer's rough, public departure, two sonically and emotionally distinct albums that navigate their unchosen minefields with a dexterity and passion that is admirable at worst. They've dug in here, feet planted in the dirt even as their legs tremble. 

 
 

My 100 Favorite Songs Of All-Time, Some of Which Are Great

Back in the month of June, I examined the triumphs and follies inherent in making a music list. In the final post, I included my personal 100 favorite albums. I intended this post to also include my 100 favorite songs, but changed my mind for the sake of space. An eighth post in the series, then. Or not. Why blast the gas all at once? I decided, then, to save my 100 fave songs list for a special occasion. As with the albums, I've only a single rule: one song per artist.

Happy birthday to me.

*****

100. “Raisans,” Dinosaur Jr. (1987)
99.   “North Beach,” George Duke (1973)
98.   “Say Goodnight,” Reks (2008)
97.   “The End,” Best Coast (2010)
96.   “Just A Song Before I Go,” Crosby, Stills & Nash (1977)
95.   “Flying Lesson (Hot Chicken #1),” Yo La Tengo (1995)
94.   “Don’t Leave Me This Way,” Thelma Houston (1975)
93.   “Lilacs,” Waxahatchee (2020)
92.   “Journey to the Center of the Mind,” Amboy Dukes (1968)
91.   “Sing About Me, I’m Dying of Thirst,” Kendrick Lamar (2012)
90.   “Windspeaks,” Uyama Hiroto (2007)
89.   “Good Vibrations,” Beach Boys (1966)
88.   “Cry For the Bad Man,” Lynyrd Sknyrd (1976)
87.   “Limelight,” Rush (1981)
86.   “Words,” Missing Persons (1982)
85.   “Don’t Change,” INXS (1982)
84.   “Johnny B. Goode,” Chuck Berry (1958)
83.   “Both Sides Now,” Joni Mitchell (1969)
82.   “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic,” The Police (1981)
81.   “Blonde Redhead,” DNA (1981)
80.   “What Is Life,” George Harrison (1970)
79.   “One Fine Day,” The Chiffons (1963)
78.   “Tighten Up,” Archie Bell & The Drells (1968)
77.   “Classical Gas,” Mason Williams (1968)
76.   “Tragedy,” Bee Gees (1979)
75.   “Die Matrosen,” Kleenex (1980)
74.   “Never Say Never,” Romeo Void (1982)
73.   “Super Falling Star,” Stereolab (1992)
72.   “Vibration Blues,” McCoy Tyner (1976)
71.   “Bye Bye,” Kim Gordon (2024)
70.   “Corpse Pose,” Unwound (1996)
69.   “Try Again,” Aaliyah (2000)
68.   “So Wat Cha Sayin,” EPMD (1986)
67.   “Your Woman,” White Town (1997)
66.   “Get Down Tonight,” KC & The Sunshine Band (1975)
65.   “Refuse/Resist,” Sepultura (1993)
64.   “Can’t Truss It,” Public Enemy (1991)
63.   “Got To Give It Up,” Marvin Gaye (1977)
62.   “Marquee Moon,” Television (1977)
61.   “Will It Go Round In Circles,” Billy Preston (1972)
60.   “Buffalo Stance,” Neneh Cherry (1989)
59.   “Oh Bondage! Up Yours!,” X-Ray Spex (1977)
58.   “Coat of Many Colors,” Dolly Parton (1971)
57.   “Dance,” ESG (1983)
56.   “Iron Galaxy,” Cannibal Ox (2001)
55.   “Crazy,” Patsy Cline (1961)
54.   “Oblivion,” Mastadon (2009)
53.   “Save The Last Dance For Me,” The Drifters (1960)
52.   “Making Plans For Nigel,” XTC (1979)
51.   “Journey In Satchidananda,” Alice Coltrane (1971)
50.   “Be My Baby,” The Ronettes (1963)
49.   “Dance to the Music,” Sly and The Family Stone (1968)
48.   “Eight Miles High,” The Byrds (1966)
47.   “World Without Words,” Nujabes (2004)
46.   “Spellbound,” Siouxsie & The Banshees (1981)
45.   “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” The Rolling Stones (1968)
44.   “Venus In Furs,” Velvet Underground (1967)
43.   “Fantasy,” Earth Wind & Fire (1977)
42.   “Entrance of the Gladiators,” Julius Fucik (1897)
41.   “Da Mystery of Chessboxin’,” Wu-Tang Clan (1993)
40.   “It Ain’t Hard To Tell,” Nas (1994)
39.   “Work It,” Missy Elliott (2002)
38.   “Sinnerman,” Nina Simone (1962)
37.   “For Ex-Lovers Only,” Black Tambourine (1999)
36.   “So Far Away,” Carole King (1971)
35.   “I’m God,” Clams Casino (2011)
34.   “Nasty,” Janet Jackson (1986)
33.   “Controversy,” Prince (1981)
32.   “Only Shallow,” My Bloody Valentine (1991)
31.   “The Hunt,” New Model Army (1986)
30.   “Chains of Love,” Erasure (1988)
29.   “Dive,” Nirvana (1992)
28.   “Our Lips Are Sealed,” The Go-Go’s (1981)
27.   “Band On the Run,” Paul McCartney and Wings (1973)
26.   “Twilight Zone,” Golden Earring (1982)
25.   “Gold Dust Woman,” Fleetwood Mac (1977)
24.   “Shook Ones, Pt. 2,” Mobb Deep (1995)
23.   “Mysterious Vibes,” The Blackbyrds (1977)
22.   “Heroes,” David Bowie (1977)
21.   “(You Make Me Feel) Mighty Real,” Sylvester (1978)
20.   “Waiting Room,” Fugazi (1989)
19.   “Song For a Future Generation,” The B-52’s (1983)
18.   “Don’t Want To Know If You Are Lonely,” Husker Du (1986)
17.   “Things We Said Today,” The Beatles (1964)
16.   “Painkiller,” Judas Priest (1990)
15.   “Peg,” Steely Dan (1977)
14.   “Never Let Me Down Again,” Depeche Mode (1987)
13.   “Sir Duke,” Stevie Wonder (1976)
12.   “S.O.S.,” ABBA (1975)
11.   “You’re No Rock ’n’ Roll Fun,” Sleater-Kinney (2000)
10.   “Fire,” The Jimi Hendrix Experience (1967)
9.     “Raining Blood,” Slayer (1986)
8.     “Photograph,” Def Leppard (1983)
7.     “B.O.B.,” Outkast (2000)
6.     “Linus and Lucy,” Vince Guaraldi Trio (1965)
5.     “West End Girls,” Pet Shop Boys (1986)
4.     “I Feel Love,” Donna Summer (1977)
3.     “Hungry Like the Wolf,” Duran Duran (1982)
2.     “Starpower,” Sonic Youth (1986)
1.     “Beat It,” Michael Jackson (1982)

*****

Note the absence of Bob Marley on my list. Note, indeed, the dearth of any reggae on my list. Alongside its white boy sidekick ska, there is no genre of music I loathe more sincerely. My opinion aside, any list of greatest songs must include something by Bob Marley…”Get Up, Stand Up” preferably. Additional songs that should appear on any greatest list worth its shakers: "The Twist," "Hound Dog," "Rock Around the Clock," "I Want to Hold Your Hand," "Be My Baby," "Smells Like Teen Spirit," "Born to Run," "Good Vibrations," "I Feel Love," "Billie Jean," "Like a Rolling Stone," "Satisfaction," "What’s Going On," "Respect," "Johnny B. Goode," "You’ve Really Got Me," "When Doves Cry," "Rapper’s Delight," "The Message."

Looking over my list, I’d say close to a quarter of the tracks would not look out of place on a Greatest List. Which is to say, most of the songs that mean the most to me don’t really matter much in the larger picture. My favorite Beatles song, for example, is pretty much no one else’s favorite Beatles song (although Bob Dylan’s cover of it filled me with a validation of sorts). “Fight The Power” is more universal, but Chuck D has never sounded more ferocious than he does on “Can’t Truss It.” Possibly the only thing I have in common with Thurston Moore and Courtney Love? Our favorite Nirvana song.

(All 100 songs are intense audio-visual experiences for me. I have no clue if that’s anomalous or not.)

Songs considered “great” are associated with movements, while “favorite” tunes are associated with moments. Great songs are legend-makers; favorite songs are button-breakers. And I guess, finally, great songs represent adults at work, and favorites represent children at play.

The Top Favorite Best Greatest Blog of All-Time (Pt. 7-It's About Me, Unless It Isn't)

All right, winding down!

These seemingly endless collections of “Greatest” and “Best” from the self-appointed experts got me to thinking (and re-thinking): where’s my list?

Please understand, the following is not my selection of the 100 Best or Greatest Albums. This is absolutely, purely, strictly my favorite albums. The ones I find myself going back to with canine loyalty. Just one caveat—only one album per artist.

100. Cranium-Pragmatics (2001)
99.   Godspeed You Black Emperor-Allelujah! Don’t Bend! Ascend! (2012)
98.   New Model Army-Vengeance (1984)
97.   7 Year Bitch-Sick ‘Em (1992)
96.   Talking Heads-Fear Of Music (1979)
95.   Kendrick Lamar-good kid, m.A.A.d city (2012)
94.   Waxahatchee-Ivy Tripp (2015)
93.   Joni Mitchell-Ladies of the Canyon (1970)
92.   The Grouch-Making Perfect Sense (1999)
91.   Killer Mike-R.A.P. Music (2012)
90.   Kraftwerk-Trans-Europe Express (1977)
89.   Can-Monster Movie (1969)
88.   Stevie Wonder-Songs in the Key of Life (1976)
87.   Heart-Dreamboat Annie (1975)
86.   Charlie Byrd and Stan Getz-Jazz Samba (1962)
85.   Breadwinner-Burner (1994)
84.   Circle of Tyrants-S/T (2005)
83.   DJ Shadow-Endtroducing (1996)
82.   Nitty Gritty Dirt Band-Will the Circle Be Unbroken (1972)
81.   Viro the Virus-Outbreak (2005)
80.   Roseanne Cash-Seven Year Ache (1981)
79.   Caspar Brotzmann Massaker-Black Axis (1989)
78.   Magik Markers-The Voldoror Dance (2006)
77.   Hole-Live Through This (1994)
76.   Fleetwood Mac-Rumours (1977)
75.   Loretta Lynn-Coal Miner’s Daughter (1971)
74.   Boogie Down Productions-Criminal Minded (1987)
73.   Polvo-Exploded Drawing (1996)
72.   Lubomyr Melnyk-Fallen Trees (2018)
71.   Redman-Dare Iz A Darkside (1994)
70.   XTC-Drums and Wires (1979)
69.   Built To Spill-There’s Nothing Wrong With Love (1994)
68.   Anthrax-Persistence of Time (1990)
67.   Pete Rock & CL Smooth-Mecca and the Soul Brother (1992)
66.   Judas Priest-Screaming For Vengeance (1982)
65.   The Dead C-Armed Courage (2013)
64.   Best Coast-Crazy For You (2010)
63.   Eric B. & Rakim-Follow the Leader (1988)
62.   Black Sabbath-S/T (1970)
61.   El-P-I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead (2007)
60.   My Bloody Valentine-Loveless (1991)
59.   Dolly Parton-Coat Of Many Colors (1971)
58.   Gang Starr-Hard To Earn (1994)
57.   Khruangbin-Con Todo el Mundo (2018)
56.   Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson-Waylon & Willie (1978)
55.   Pylon-Gyrate (1980)
54.   Janet Jackson-Control (1986)
53.   Television-Marquee Moon (1977)
52.   Sepultura-Chaos A.D. (1993)
51.   Steely Dan-Aja (1977)
50.   Unwound-The Future of What (1995)
49.   A Tribe Called Quest-Midnight Marauders (1993)
48.   Soundgarden-Superunknown (1994)
47.   Wild Flag-S/T (2011)
46.   Kim Gordon-No Home Record (2019)
45.   Slant 6-Soda Pop Rip Off (1994)
44.   Alice in Chains-Dirt (1992)
43.   Devo-Duty Now For the Future (1979)
42.   Aesop Rock-Skelethon (2012)
41.   Miles Davis-Bitches Brew (1970)
40.   Melvins-Houdini (1993)
39.   R.E.M.-Murmur (1983)
38.   The Ex-History Is What’s Happening (1982)
37.   Erase Errata-At Crystal Palace (2003)
36.   Dinosaur Jr.-You’re Living All Over Me (1987)
35.   Non Phixion-The Future Is Now (2002)
34.   Prince-1999 (1982)
33.   Yo La Tengo-Electr-O-Pura (1995)
32.   Nirvana-Nevermind (1991)
31.   Jesus Lizard-Liar (1992)
30.   Dark Angel-Darkness Descends (1986)
29.   Pavement-Slanted and Enchanted (1992)
28.   Carole King-Tapestry (1971)
27.   Boredoms-Vision Creation Newsun (1999)
26.   The Contortions-Buy (1978)
25.   Shonen Knife-Burning Farm (1983)
24.   J Dilla-Donuts (2006)
23.   Pantera-Far Beyond Driven (1994)
22.   Oxes-S/T (2000)
21.   Cannibal Ox-The Cold Vein (2001)
20.   Meat Puppets-Too High To Die (1994)
19.   Duran Duran-Rio (1982)
18.   Gang of Four-Entertainment! (1979)
17.   Megadeth-Rust In Peace (1990)
16.   Metallica-…And Justice For All (1988)
15.   Jimi Hendrix Experience-Electric Ladyland (1968)
14.   Paul McCartney and Wings-Band on the Run (1973)
13.   Helium-The Dirt of Luck (1995)
12.   Saturday Night Fever soundtrack (1977)
11.   Slayer-Hell Awaits (1985)
10.   Wu-Tang Clan-Enter The Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers (1993)
9.     Fugazi-Repeater (1990)
8.     Sleater-Kinney-All Hands on the Bad One (2000)
7.     Nas-Illmatic (1994)
6.     Stereolab-Dots and Loops (1997)
5.     Vince Guaraldi Trio-A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
4.     The B-52’s-S/T (1979)
3.     ESG-Come Away With ESG (1983)
2.     Beatles-Abbey Road (1969)
1.     Sonic Youth-A Thousand Leaves (1998)

One thing I like about my list, it’s got a distinct personality. It’s my taste, no concessions. This is what staying in the micro does. It’s limiting, but it’s honest. Now, if I were to make a list of those albums I believe to be the most vital to understanding the history of music, it would look drastically different. That’s what living in the macro does. It forces you to admit hard truths.

Paste’s 300 list included three Joni Mitchell albums, none of which were Ladies of the Canyon. Most lists will just go with Blue. No Ladies, ever. Critics have decided that if Stereolab is to be thrown a bone, Emperor Tomato Ketchup it is (because Pearl Jam covered “Noise of Carpet”? I dunno). I love how dark and raw Hell Awaits is, and every inch as influential as Reign In Blood, buuuuuuttttt...one album was produced by Rick Rubin and the other one wasn't. The B-52's will never be taken as seriously as they should. Oh well. Why get mad over the vicious disrespect showed groups like Boredoms and Dead C, when those groups were never made to mold the mainstream?

It’s interesting, seeing how artistic narratives shaped by the view through the general critical lens change over time. Take the Beatles, the most-analyzed act ever. Up until the mid-90s, Sgt. Pepper’s was the one. Not just for them, but of all pop/rock music. Sgt. Pepper’s was a sea change in sound, and pulled off the tidy trick of selling units whilst innovating. Then, the tables turned. “Overrated!” went the cries. “The White Album is their true masterpiece!” Nowadays, Abbey Road is taking its turn at the head of the parade, proof that justice is out there. But who knows how long that lasts.

Why, though? Why did Sgt. Pepper fatigue hit like the bends? I think you can blame two things: a worthy version not being on CD until 2009, and the contrarian in all of us who will not be told by Jann Wenner and his cadre of crusty dusty musties what the hell great music is! It didn’t even make the Apple 100. (Still a great album, though.)

I’m curious to see how the conventional wisdom surrounding the modern legends evolves. Beyonce is unlikely to top Lemonade, Taylor Swift is on a collision course with mass geek revolt, and I’m dubious the Kendrick narrative will change, barring a substantial “Pulitzer Prize=Undisputed Quality” movement.

The absence of Devo on a lot of these lists is wild to me. Style, substance, the spud-boys had both in spades. Hugely influential, and their early stuff’s aged better than the latter. Is it the Devo 2.0 thing? Sonic Youth will always be represented Daydream Nation, maybe Sister or Goo, if Anthony Fantano has say in the hey. A Thousand Leaves is the album I want to be buried with (or burned with, I haven’t decided) but in the grand scheme, it’s just another bag o’ beans.

Thank you for reading. I leave you with my ten personal favorites from the following under-loved genres.

Country
Waylon & Willie
Will the Circle Be Unbroken
Coat of Many Colors
Coal Miner’s Daughter
Seven Year Ache
Johnny Cash-At Folsom Prison (1968)
The Chicks-Home (2002)
Ray Charles-Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music (1962)
Emmylou Harris-Roses in the Snow (1980)
Trio-Trio (1987)

Heavy Metal
Hell Awaits
…And Justice For All
Rust In Peace
Far Beyond Driven
Darkness Descends
Houdini
Chaos A.D.
Dirt
Screaming For Vengeance
Black Sabbath

Hip-Hop
Illmatic
Hard To Earn
Donuts
The Future Is Now
Skelethon
Midnight Marauders
Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers
I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead
Mecca and the Soul Brother
Follow the Leader

Punk Rock
Repeater
Soda-Pop Rip Off
Ramones-S/T (1976)
Germ Free Adolescents
Bad Brains-S/T (1982)
Green Day-Dookie (1994)
White Lung-Deep Fantasy (2014)
History Is What’s Happening
Burning Farm
Sick ‘Em

Jazz

A Charlie Brown Christmas
Jazz Samba
Bitches Brew
Sarah Vaughan-S/T (1955)
John Coltrane-A Love Supreme (1965)
Herbie Hancock-Head Hunters (1973)
Alice Coltrane-Journey in Satchidananda (1971)
McCoy Tyner-Cosmos (1976)
Nina Simone-I Put A Spell On You (1965)
Lee Morgan-Sonic Boom (1979)

The Top Favorite Best Greatest Blog of All-Time (Pt. 6-Don't Worry That It's Not Good Enough)

Boy howdy, girl rowdy…let’s just dive into this elbows up, yeah?

It’s less stressful, this song-rating business. That’s why Rolling Stone’s put out the 500 Greatest Songs of All-Time list four times this century. It drives views, it inflames haters, it imbues stans, and unlike a list of 500 Greatest Albums, no one doubts the people who made the list actually heard every entry.

It’s trickier, though. Studying these lists, I realized my most frequent complaints concerned not a song itself but either A) the artist in question had a far greater song that could take its place or B) this ranking business is about as useful as a blade-less shovel. Why not just list the songs? Alphabetical, chronological, by genre, by region…not this numerical crap, as if there’s some actual, calculable value to opinions.

Yeah, well, they didn’t. Maybe in the future they will, as humanity embraces egalitarianism, but I’m high off doubting that.

Rolling Stone’s 500 list held on as long as it could to tracks that in reality lost their relevance the second Revolver hit the scene (looking at you, “Cathy’s Clown” and “Earth Angel”), and songs crucial to the development of the genre went from top fifteen to the top two hundreds (“My Generation” and “Purple Haze”). It’s really with the 2021 and 2024 lists that the aforementioned epiphany floated upon my brain. Rolling Stone is paying tribute to some tremendous songs, across a variety of eras and genres. The primary cause of annoyances felt whilst checking these articles out is not “I hate this song it shouldn’t be here” but “I love this song it should be ranked higher.”

And that’s the only real quibble I have with any of the lists from Pitchfork, as well. As historical records, snapshots in time, their merits outweigh their deficiencies.

Both sites dipped their toe into decades-lists as well, Pitchfork from the 1960s to now, Rolling Stone from the 1980s to now. Interestingly, RS's Eighties and Nineties lists are each the thoughts of a single writer, Rob Sheffield, while the latest two are credited to multiple writers. Cynical me sez such is the case since no one scribe on staff is willing to ride so hard for the music of the 21st century. (Seriously, Rob’s advocacy for the most brilliant period of music in world history is lovely.) 

The Stone's attempts at ranking the 100 best tracks of select genres have gone about as well as wrestling an alligator with one arm. Lemme save ya some time: “Painkiller” isn’t on the Metal list, “Ether” isn’t on the Hip-Hop list, and “Let Your Love Flow” isn’t on the Country List. You’re welcome.

PItchfork’s looks at the Sixties and Seventies are the most readable that site will ever be. Again, once I stopped focusing on the number by the name, I could just enjoy the nostalgia tickle. Like, I love that they put “Linus & Lucy” at 43, but is it really better than “Walk Away Renee” or “Wichita Lineman”? No but who cares those songs are on there too. Whimsy, balladry, it’s beauty.

The Eighties list is pretty good (I’ve high standards), but that Nineties list…remember when I said earlier in this series that Pitchfork was fated to cover no other decade of music as frequently or as fervently as the decade in which the site itself debuted? Behold! Two separate song lists, twelve years apart. The differences are stark and plentiful. This newer list is Pitchfork telling everyone, “Our staff listens to more than indie rock now.” Comparing the lists, we see song after song tumbling Homer Simpson-like down the rockiest, jaggiest cliff ever animated.

“Only Shallow,” 6 to 78.
“Holland, 1945,” 7 to oblivion
“Your Woman,” 158 to the back of your grandmother’s closet
“Autumn Sweater,” 49 to 100
“Enjoy the Silence,” 15 to 106
“Girls and Boys,” 26 to 220
“Gold Soundz”, 1 to 40

(goddamn, justice for Malkmus, man)

Whether the heterogeneity on display is a sign of honest evolution or not, most of the choices are unfuckwitable: “Tear Da Club Up,” “Deceptacon,” “U.N.I.T.Y.” Another great song new to the 2022 list is the remix of Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy.” In fact, that’s the song Pitchfork staff deemed the best of the decade. I don’t know what happened in the interim to cause such a rise in esteem for this particular track, but…it’s a bit of a self-indictment. I mean, there weren’t that many Radiohead songs on the old list.

NME did a 500 Greatest Songs list too, a year after dumping the 500 Greatest Albums into the landfill of public opinion, and I tell you, no one loves British music more than British people. Here in America, we knew to stop Spandau Ballet after two songs. John Lennon’s been dead for almost 45 years now, and we’re no longer scared to admit “Imagine” is ass.

Well, I certainly can’t end this post on that gasp-worthy bit of wordcraft, can I? 

For all the crap I give NME’s list, they at least acknowledge Paul McCartney penned and performed some of the greater songs of the Seventies, and apparently won’t get the credit due until he’s made his final move on this game board.

All told, not nearly enough love for metal on these lists. You can’t tell me that “Holy Wars,” “Painkiller,” “Raining Blood,” “One,” and “I’m Broken” don’t deserve love. And no, I don’t just mean because they’re great songs, I mean because they were trademark songs from legendary bands. Switching sides a sec, I understand why “Hey Ya!” rates higher than “B.O.B” on all-time lists. It was a ubiquitious, electrifying, crossover smash from the half of Outkast who doesn’t really like rap that much. By my standards alone, however, it’s “B.O.B.” all day and all of the night. How many rap songs do you know with guitar solos?!

Not enough disco. Rolling Stone threw a bone to “Mighty Real,” but where’s “You Should Be Dancing,” “Get Down Tonight,” or “If I Can’t Have You”?

I’ll argue that you can’t have a legtimate 500 Greatest Songs without “The Twist,” “Rock Around the Clock,” or “I Feel Love.”

Just, who would argue with me?


Tomorrow…the moment at least one person’s been waiting for…my personal favorite 100 albums of all-time ever in life!

The Top Favorite Best Greatest Blog of All-Time (Pt. 5-Enthusiasm and Aptitude)

I’d be remiss if I pretended noteworthy rankings of history's best music came only from the likes of Rolling Stone, Spin and Pitchfork. Pretty Americentrist, also.

So, England, Britain, United Kingdom, wherever whatever, show me your ways. You’ve ostensibly produced the most influential bands in popular music history, after all. If we’re going pound for pound, tune for tune, shit, the amount of great music produced by the li’l ol’ United Kingdom embarrasses the big ol’ USA.

Okay, I’ll turn to New Musical Express (NME for the hurried). Started in the 1950s as an “inkie” determined to imbue the very musical craft with much-deserved dignity, by the 1980s it ruled as the most venerable music mag in the U.K.  In late 2013, some sixty years after issue one, dozens of former and current NME writers were summoned to compile the 500 Greatest Albums of All-Time.

(Yes, I know Uncut also does 500 Greatest Albums lists, but they do them so frequently, it rather dilutes the potion.)

My verdict? About a fifth of the list is great stuff, two-fifths is piffle. Present on the list is AM by the Arctic Monkeys, a platter only one month old at the time of publication. Need I say more? (I need not say any of this, really. Still and yet, here I am. You too. Let’s continue.)

For a summation of the legendary culture clash I experienced whilst analyzing NME’s idea of greatness, this list is just like a television set: the higher you go, the worse the view. The Queen is Dead at number one…better than Revolver! Is This It pulls in at the fourth spot…better than The Velvet Underground & Nico! Oasis, the Stone Roses and Pulp in the top 10, ho yes, I can taste the savory beans with every click of the keys.

Let me not downplay, diminish, degrade or denigrate the overall quality of English music: Bowie pulled down 10 albums, Beatles 7, PJ Harvey and Radiohead 5 each, 4 for the Stones. I may pick a nit here and there, but far be it from my lame ass to deny those aforementioned artists their place in paradise. As an American, though, I’ve become attuned to and adverse to extreme nationalistic pride. 

To let NME tell the story, both Blur and the National have put out as many classics as the Who, Nirvana, Nick Cave and R.E.M. (4). The Beach Boys and the Beastie Boys are on equal footing (3), as are Jay and Kanye, Kings of Leon and Kraftwerk, Manic Street Preachers and Michael Jackson. Also responsible for three unmissable albums: Prince, the Pixies, Pavement, Public Enemy and Pulp. Sonic Youth and Suede. Velvet Underground and the Verve! Oasis, thank you goddesses, managed only two. 

Pride blinded the NME to the many joys of soul, funk, disco and metal. Patti Smith’s seminal Horses is the highest-rated album by a woman (12), and I’ll conclude by saying, oh would I have loved to be a spider on the bathroom of either Gallagher brother’s mansion when they read that.

Last month, Apple Music—a streaming service, mind, a streaming service and nothing more—announced their 100 Best Albums of All-Time, released over ten days in chunks of ten records per day. This “modern love letter...(a)ssembled with the help of artists and experts” was thus not simply constructed for maximum engagement, it was promoted that way as well.

Setting aside what an butt-chafing week that was on social media, the content left the churn more soup than butter. Billie Eilish at all, much less 30? Frank Ocean at 5? Lauryn Hill the best, okay, just because I disagree doesn’t mean I don’t understand. The good taste to deem Abbey Road the Fab’s finest doesn’t excuse the omissions: James Brown, Sly Stone, Willie Nelson, Billie Holiday. Nor will I let slide the glut of music released in the last decade: seventeen, more than every other decade bar the 1990s and 1970s. Gross, Apple.

While typing up the introductory post of this series, I received a text from a pal familiar with my project. Said pal brought tidings of great aggravation: Paste, a late ‘90s arrival which went from site to mag to site again, had just let loose The 300 Greatest Albums of All Time.

Great.

Except, maybe?

Paste throughout the years struck me as a very even-handed site, its writers prioritizing fairness over personality. The only of its lists I ever revisit (or remember, really) is a thorough, wildly-flawed ranking of every MST3K episode. In retrospect, I recognize this relative ignorance as a positive; free of preconceptions, I could absorb the Paste 300 without a sneer or snort. My eyes wouldn’t roll; my heels wouldn’t rock. The experience, if I may be so predictable as to make a food reference, felt akin to trying mayo on a grilled cheese. 

“The criteria for what constitutes a ‘great album,’ to us, falls someplace in-between influence and timelessness,” Paste states, as exquisite an explanation as I can imagine. None of which precludes the inclusion of artists guaranteed unknown to most Paste readers. I don’t mean X-Ray Spex or the Raincoats, I mean Deulgukhwa, Shin Joong Hyun and Fishmans. The hope is, rather than bitch and moan about pandering or peacocking, bewildered readers will seek out said acts and form their own opinions.

For every Britney Spears and Carly Rae Jepsen shoving me towards the precipice of disgust, so came a Steely Dan and Fiona Apple to redirect my emotions into a more ideal direction. The crowning of Songs In the Key of Life will age especially fantastically when Rolling Stone follows suit in another five or so years. (Not so much Live Through This over Nevermind. At least with deeming Off the Wall over Thriller, I can see the sense behind it, although I may disagree.)

Tomorrow…these self-styled arbiters of awesome also had opinions about individual songs….