AIRDATE: 2/14/02 (See what they did there?)STORY: Rather than attempt to match (much less surpass) Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown, Bill Melendez and Lee Mendelson whipped up a patchwork quilt of ardor-centered Peanuts strips to spread out over 25 minutes. Familiar themes abound: Charlie Brown really wants to give a valentine to that Little Red-Haired Girl (well, at least he's a bit more proactive in this one); Schroeder rebuffs Lucy; and Linus is pimps-heart cold to would-be girlfriend Sally Brown.
Charlie Brown attempts to phone the Little Red-Haired Girl (I so could abbreviate, but I keeps it real for real) and instead dials up Marcie. Aggressive chicks plus passive dude equal Marcie and Peppermint Patty assuming Chuck is their date for the upcoming Valentines dance.
At said dance, Charlie Brown flops out. He tries to approach the Little Red-Haired Girl for the last dance, but Patty and Marcie emerge to intercept him as though he were a sweaty, trembling missle. Snoopy ends up dancing with the Little Red-Haired Girl (and they animated her again!), leaving his owner with shattered dreams and two pissed-off dates.
In between, Snoopy hands out kisses and writes love poems. 7.5
MUSIC: As with story, as with sounds. Updates to old classics. Can't go wrong with it, but sometimes playing it safe is sorry. 8
ANIMATION: More cartoon-y than normal. In mimic of the strip, white outlines curve Snoopy's ears and Lucy's hair. I don't want to know how much rotisserie chicken was scarfed down before that idea was approved. The overall look is more devoted to the details, and some say that's where God is. And only he knows why Franklin was cross-hatched. 7.5
VOICES: Wesley Singerman tries real hard as Charlie Brown, but can only achieve a precious few moments of note ("Do I what?"); 7.5. Sally is very disappointingly voiced by Nicolette Little (only a 7) while Lauren Schiffel does a bit better as Lucy (8). Marcie and Peppermint Patty are done justice, at least; while I prefer my nerdy girls a bit more measured, Jessica P. Stone gets an 8, and Emily Lalande 9's it up as Marcie's rakish idol.
Without a bit of hyperbole, I can proclaim Corey Padnos the worst Linus ever. He was off in Christmas Tales, and his performance here fails to register as anything other than askew. This kid turns Linus into some snotty, snobby, impatient, condescending jerkface. In the process of adding some attitude, Padnos loses the soul of Linus. 4, and I'm being nice.
Hell, even Christoper Ryan Johnson is better as Schroeder (7). And you know how I feel about Schroeder.
"I KNOW OF ONLY ONE DUTY, AND THAT IS TO LOVE"
--It really is heartwarming to hear Charlie Brown as he swoons over his valentine and practices how he will deliver it to the Little Red-Haired Girl. You want to see him do it, irresistably. Instead, his head puts his heart in a sleeper hold and, as he tells Linus, "I mailed it, anonymously."
At which point, the chorus to Sleater-Kinney's "Anonymous" should have blared over the sight of Charlie Brown walking dejectedly away from both mailbox and best friend, his love doomed to be eternally unrequited. Any use of a Sleater-Kinney song improves a TV show by like, 2 "quality" points. Unless the song is "Hubcap", in which case minus 2.
--"This isn't just a valentine, Little Red-Haired Girl. It's also a meticulously researched timetable of your normal weekday. When you wake up, what you eat for breakfast, how long you brush your teeth...."
--Taking Lines In A Childrens Show Way Out of Context 101: "I wanna go over to her house and give it to her. But I think I'd be too nervous to do it without practice."
--The unstoppable egotism of Patricia Reichardt in full throttle, determined to make day into night, night into day, and horse shit into pumpkin pie. "That letter is from me! You like me, Chuck!"
"THE PAIN OF FRAGILE HEARTS THAT YEARN"
--Let's just get it out of the way. Why did they animate the Little Red-Haired Girl...again?! And if you refer to the first time, in It's Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown, they didn't even stay consistent in the animation. Not even close.
--"I've never received a single valentine", Chuck laments to Peppermint Patty at the beginning of the special. Um, what? Either he's disowned the "pity valentine" of the first V-day special or this show is actually meant to predate it on some Legend of Zelda timeline shit.
--"She's something and I'm nothing. If I were something, and she were nothing, I could talk to her. Or if she were something, and I were something, then I could also talk to her. Or if she were nothing, and I were nothing, then I could also talk to her. But she's something, and I'm nothing, so I can't talk to her."
"For a nothing, Charlie Brown, you're really something."
Taken from the strip, a fantastic exchange between Charlie Brown and Linus on the bench at recess, an example of the pretzel-effect love has on the human psyche. Just one problem; Linus (thanks to the resoundingly overwhelmed boy who voices him) is completely unsympathetic. Chris Shea set the template for the character, a guide that emphasized a sharp eye and a soft heart. None of the gentle wryness usually associated with the middle Van Pelt child is here. Padnos accentuates the "nothing" and "something" with a haughty sneer in his voice, something you'd expect the producers to encourage in the child reading for Lucy and not her tender brother. Jeez, did Padnos know which Van Pelt's lines he was reciting? Did Melendez not know?
--In the end, the Snoopy Wheelbarrow of Paper Love delivers a valentine to Chuck, a vague and cheaply sentimental ending that nevertheless works, mainly due to the final frame: a beaming Charlie Brown gazing down at the valentine as a heart frames him in the background. Very cute. I'd feature it here if my video player hadn't refused to capture it, so instead, here's a leftover from Be My Valentine (the Sally/Snoopy poetry sequence).
Yeah...that'll work.
Charlie Brown Snoopy Peanuts
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