Incredible, this weekend...I had intended to write up a review of It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown at some time during these two days. That will be up on Monday. This past Saturday and Sunday was just too crazed for my li'l brain, and I'll be telling all (okay, most) soon. First, though--the weekly best-of "You Said It".
MONDAY, 4/23
"Thought for the day: If you do not believe in evil, you are not paying attention"--HAGERSTOWN
From Joseph Wambaugh's classic 1974 crime novel The Choirboys: "If there's no good, then it's very likely there's no evil either. There's only accidents."
TUESDAY, 4/24
"It's funny, I always call in to 'You Said It', and yet my opinion is never printed, although I speak on very informative opinions, opinions we need to focus on as a society, and then jokes of Mexico and welfare are printed"--HAGERSTOWN
*shrug* Get a blog, sweetie.
"You know what the problem with the schools these days? I blame the parents."
I'm gonna give this caller the benefit of the doubt and call "newspaper typo" on this one.
WEDNESDAY, 4/25
Blah blah, weather, Jesus, gas, hospital.
THURSDAY, 4/26
"You know what the problem with the schools is these days?"
*looks...sees query has been poised by a caller from Smithsburg...cannot fucking wait to read*
"The government took God out of the schools. We need the Pledge of Allegiance, a moment of silence and religious groups back in schools."
Which Pledge? The original, or the one with the amendation Rev. George Docherty coerced then-President Eisenhower to insert? And by religious groups you mean "Christian groups", correct?
FRIDAY, 4/27
No sir...I don't like it.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
What Part of "Oh Can't You See You Belong To Me" Didn't Tip You Off?
Rolling Stone has just offered up this list of the Top 25 songs with "secret meanings".
Some of these songs are intentionally obfuscative in their lyrics...while others could not be more obvious. How is anyone confused by "Lola"? I knew it was about a transvestite before I'd ever actually heard it! "One I Love" contains the lyrics "A simple prop/To occupy my time". Swoon.
Greatest omission is "Every Breath You Take" by the Police; despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, thousands if not in fact millions hear the song as a tender ballad of all-encompassing love and insist on having it played at their wedding. To quote Sting, from an interview conducted in 1993:
"I woke up in the middle of the night with that line in my head, sat down at the piano and had written it in half an hour. The tune itself is generic, an aggregate of hundreds of others, but the words are interesting. It sounds like a comforting love song. I didn't realise at the time how sinister it is. I think I was thinking of Big Brother, surveillance and control."
If you really want a Police song to play at your wedding (or to dedicate to that "special someone"), you'd do better choosing "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic."
Some of these songs are intentionally obfuscative in their lyrics...while others could not be more obvious. How is anyone confused by "Lola"? I knew it was about a transvestite before I'd ever actually heard it! "One I Love" contains the lyrics "A simple prop/To occupy my time". Swoon.
Greatest omission is "Every Breath You Take" by the Police; despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, thousands if not in fact millions hear the song as a tender ballad of all-encompassing love and insist on having it played at their wedding. To quote Sting, from an interview conducted in 1993:
"I woke up in the middle of the night with that line in my head, sat down at the piano and had written it in half an hour. The tune itself is generic, an aggregate of hundreds of others, but the words are interesting. It sounds like a comforting love song. I didn't realise at the time how sinister it is. I think I was thinking of Big Brother, surveillance and control."
If you really want a Police song to play at your wedding (or to dedicate to that "special someone"), you'd do better choosing "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
WNNNNNNBC! 22 Songs To Make a Pig Vomit
Yes, WNBC.com has compiled the "22 Most Annoying Songs" of all-time with the invaluable assistance of their loyal readers. For those of you who may find navigating the slideshow of crap too bothersome, here is the list of infamy:
22. "Jump" - Kris Kross
21. "It's A Sunshine Day" - The Brady Bunch
20. "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" - John Denver"
19. The Theme From Good Times
18. "Wannabe" - The Spice Girls
17. "Play That Funky Music" - Wild Cherry
16. "Mmm Bop" - Hanson
15. "Muskrat Love" - The Captain & Tennille
14. The Theme From I Dream Of Jeannie
13. "Mambo No. 5" - Lou Bega
12. "Hot In Herre" - Nelly
11. "Y.M.C.A." - The Village People
10. The Theme From Scooby Doo
09. "Macarena" - Los Del Río
08. "Copacabana" - Barry Manilow
07. "The Chicken Dance" - Werner Thomas
06. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
05. "Who Let The Dogs Out" - Baha Men
04. The Meow Mix Jingle
03. "Mr. Roboto" - Styx
02. "I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney & Friends
01. "It's A Small World After All" - Robert and Richard Sherman
A solid showing, with the exceptions of 22 (I guess it helps your opinion of a song when you were a freshman at the time it overtook the radio; nostalgia ascribing quality to things that, if you were exposed to them at a different part of your life, you might have been repulsed by) and 19. I mean...the Good Times theme? How classic is that? It's on any top 5 I would make of TV themes, right there with Hill Street Blues, Sanford and Son, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, and Dangermouse. I guess, however, that I can continue existing in and contributing to a world where such a brilliant piece of introductory music can be so slagged by the infallible readers of wnbc.com.
The rest are fairly inarguable, although I would put the Baha Men at the top spot. Why was that such a hit? Because the chorus featured barking? What made people stop whatever they were doing to pump up the volume whenever this horrid fetid piece of pish came on the radio or TV? When this song first came out and rocketed up the testament to Americas love for mediocrity known as the "Billboard Top 100", I was a dishwasher at Hagerstown's long-standing Woodpoint Bar and Grill (to be, if I have my information correct, levelled and made into a new Sheetz any day now) and my relief at the head cook switching the kitchen radio over from a country station to a modern pop station was demolished not only when "Who Let the Dogs Out" first blared from the speakers, but when she turned it up and sang/barked along with the chorus. Have you ever stared into filthy dishwater and wanted to submerge your entire head into the sink on some "I Want a New Drug" shit, but with stray baked beans and mac'n' cheese noodles around your head instead of ice? Can you imagine a mere meld of music and words birthing such despair in your soul?
Now let us never blog of it again.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Fears of the Uncommon City Dweller
The more I read the Herald Mail "You Said It" column, the more I start to worry.
On Monday, 4/16, the only caller that really spoke to me did so undeniably. This particularly-concerned Hagerstonian was venting about proposed construction of several duplexes near their house, bitching mainly about the threat this may present to the steadfast "peace" the neighborhood denizens have enjoyed thus far. In two months I will be breaking personal ground when I start looking for a home of my own...not an apartment, an actual house. No more landlords, no more rent, no more pulling my hair out over how much I've spent. The particular homeowner program I will be using for this stipulates I can only purchase a home that is outside the city limits. Fine by me; frankly, a practical lifetime on West Side Avenue has given me my fill of yelling white trash and boomin' systems (often in disharmony). Open spaces between abodes also appeals to me. Which is why the recent lust for development of so much of Hagerstown's land is mildly distressing...not too strong an ache, but persistent.
As more than a few folks have told me, my personality may be better suited to life in a soundproof studio.
Tuesday, 4/17, also hit me nice and solid. A reader from Waynesboro makes reference to "that leader from North Korea" and then later to "the one from Iran". First, it's "Kim Jong-il". Second, it's "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad". World events and the leaders who put them in motion, men and women of utmost importance and authority, people whom we do not answer to, whom we did not elect to their position, but who nevertheless can and so often do play instrumental roles in the directions our lives take, the very least we can do is to learn their names...even if we aren't 100% sure of the pronunciation.
But the caller that I really wanna go to the prom with, and possibly even make out timidly with afterwards in a beat-up Chevelle, is from Jefferson County, WV. I mean, the opinions of people who are living in West Virginia of their own accord deserve the highest regard, don't you think?
Last week, the Circuit Court in Hagerstown took steps to become secure. When the paper printed the article about this new advancement in keeping the building (and to a lesser extent, the people inside) safe, it appeared as you see when you click the link to their site, with the very exact picture. This is what West Virginia (whole other state!) had to say:
"It causes me to wonder, is it not one of the employees that they have used for the picture? In that there's no jacket, there's no handbag--and how many people walk through that door with a big smile on their face?...this is quite clear an employee that they are using."
Um...who cares? Why is this worth anyone's time to point out? Yes, you are right, my likely-inbred friend, that is in fact an employee passing through the metal detector. So? It's a picture. It doesn't compromise anything. "If they don't show an everyday citizen going through it, how can we know it really works?" Huh? Just nonsensical to me. The caption says that the deputy at the door is monitoring the metal detector. No reference is made to the person passing through being a "street person" (what they are called by courthouse employees). So there's no attempt being made by the newspaper to pull wool over the eyes of their loyal readers. Yeesh.
Wednesday and Thursday...thanks for playing.
We end with Friday, 4/20 (insert inane stoner humor here) and the following wisdom from Clear Spring, addressing the Virginia Tech tragedy: "The gun didn't kill them....It could have been a knife, could have been a flyswatter, could have been a car.....He might have strangled them. It wasn't the gun."
Rest assured, I will be scouring the Interweb for recorded instances of human death-by-flyswatter as soon as I reach a level of ennui so deep that connecting paper clips is just too mentally taxing.
"He might have strangled them."
32 people? Yeah, he could have just gone through Norris Hall strangling dozens of people with his bare hands, or wire, or rope without being at all halted...if he was The Flash!
On Monday, 4/16, the only caller that really spoke to me did so undeniably. This particularly-concerned Hagerstonian was venting about proposed construction of several duplexes near their house, bitching mainly about the threat this may present to the steadfast "peace" the neighborhood denizens have enjoyed thus far. In two months I will be breaking personal ground when I start looking for a home of my own...not an apartment, an actual house. No more landlords, no more rent, no more pulling my hair out over how much I've spent. The particular homeowner program I will be using for this stipulates I can only purchase a home that is outside the city limits. Fine by me; frankly, a practical lifetime on West Side Avenue has given me my fill of yelling white trash and boomin' systems (often in disharmony). Open spaces between abodes also appeals to me. Which is why the recent lust for development of so much of Hagerstown's land is mildly distressing...not too strong an ache, but persistent.
As more than a few folks have told me, my personality may be better suited to life in a soundproof studio.
Tuesday, 4/17, also hit me nice and solid. A reader from Waynesboro makes reference to "that leader from North Korea" and then later to "the one from Iran". First, it's "Kim Jong-il". Second, it's "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad". World events and the leaders who put them in motion, men and women of utmost importance and authority, people whom we do not answer to, whom we did not elect to their position, but who nevertheless can and so often do play instrumental roles in the directions our lives take, the very least we can do is to learn their names...even if we aren't 100% sure of the pronunciation.
But the caller that I really wanna go to the prom with, and possibly even make out timidly with afterwards in a beat-up Chevelle, is from Jefferson County, WV. I mean, the opinions of people who are living in West Virginia of their own accord deserve the highest regard, don't you think?
Last week, the Circuit Court in Hagerstown took steps to become secure. When the paper printed the article about this new advancement in keeping the building (and to a lesser extent, the people inside) safe, it appeared as you see when you click the link to their site, with the very exact picture. This is what West Virginia (whole other state!) had to say:
"It causes me to wonder, is it not one of the employees that they have used for the picture? In that there's no jacket, there's no handbag--and how many people walk through that door with a big smile on their face?...this is quite clear an employee that they are using."
Um...who cares? Why is this worth anyone's time to point out? Yes, you are right, my likely-inbred friend, that is in fact an employee passing through the metal detector. So? It's a picture. It doesn't compromise anything. "If they don't show an everyday citizen going through it, how can we know it really works?" Huh? Just nonsensical to me. The caption says that the deputy at the door is monitoring the metal detector. No reference is made to the person passing through being a "street person" (what they are called by courthouse employees). So there's no attempt being made by the newspaper to pull wool over the eyes of their loyal readers. Yeesh.
Wednesday and Thursday...thanks for playing.
We end with Friday, 4/20 (insert inane stoner humor here) and the following wisdom from Clear Spring, addressing the Virginia Tech tragedy: "The gun didn't kill them....It could have been a knife, could have been a flyswatter, could have been a car.....He might have strangled them. It wasn't the gun."
Rest assured, I will be scouring the Interweb for recorded instances of human death-by-flyswatter as soon as I reach a level of ennui so deep that connecting paper clips is just too mentally taxing.
"He might have strangled them."
32 people? Yeah, he could have just gone through Norris Hall strangling dozens of people with his bare hands, or wire, or rope without being at all halted...if he was The Flash!
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Make 'Em Say Err?
Nuh uh nuh uh!
Lil Romeo USC Master P
LOS ANGELES -- Lil' Romeo says he's bound for Southern California, where if all goes according to plan he could be Romeo Miller, Trojans basketball player.
The teen hip-hop star has committed to playing basketball for the Trojans' class of 2008, Dave Lindsay, a spokesman for Lil' Romeo's online label, UrbanDigital Records, said Friday.
USC spokesman Dave Tuttle declined to confirm or deny the report but said the university hasn't received a signed letter of intent from the rapper, who is just a high school junior.
"We can't comment on any recruits or potential recruits until we have a signed letter. That's an NCAA rule," Tuttle said.
Lil' Romeo, whose full name is Percy Romeo Miller, is currently a guard on his Beverly Hills High School team.
"Basketball has run in the family," Lindsay said, noting the rapper's father, hip-hop mogul Master P, had tryouts with two NBA teams in the 1990s.
Master P, aka Percy Miller, was by all accounts even worse at playing basketball than he was at doing hip hop music. Which is a fair feat, if you've ever had a nephew who decided it would be great to take control of your stereo system and play all 94 of his No Limit Records CDs. (All I can tell you is, they are thugs, they slang drugs, they got mean mugs, and they give their mamas hugs. Also, none of their producers could get a decent kick drum sound if their weed sack depended on it.)Lil Romeo USC Master P
Thursday, April 19, 2007
When Politicians Think They're Funny....
You get stuff like this. To imagine, I once thought McCain was "allright for a Republican." Yeah, and bloody flux isn't bad insofar as diseases go.
-----------------------------
I have the hot new slang terminology (oh yay): bad writing will heretofore be known as "Richard McBeef." As in, "Jenn, improve your blog posts, you are really putting up some Richard McBeef."
Richard McBeef John McCain
-----------------------------
I have the hot new slang terminology (oh yay): bad writing will heretofore be known as "Richard McBeef." As in, "Jenn, improve your blog posts, you are really putting up some Richard McBeef."
Richard McBeef John McCain
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I Once Pitched a Perfect Game in Ken Griffey Baseball for the N64, But No One Was There To See It
I don't care how mad I am...how mediocre the taste is...or how drunk I am...but I would never, ever, just cavalierly throw a slice of pizza at someone. Actually, it's more like some namby-pamby lob with minimal impact upon contact. Which is...come on. If you're going to waste a slice and get ejected, give it all you got. Samus Aran that shit!
Speaking of which, found some excellent YouTube vids courtesy of gametrailers.com.
The Top Ten Best and Worst Games Ever, Pt. 1 and 2--of all the shit games, the only one I can personally attest to is "Pac Man" on Atari. Of the best, no real complaints, but putting Super Mario 64 and Super Mario World together in one ranking...bullshit. Just throw the other ones in there then, give the whole series a spot! Super Mario 64 is the greatest video game ever, bar none. The fact it isn't number one is wrong enough, but to lump it with another Mario game on the list? That's annoying on a Hammer Bros. in world 8-3 level.
The Top Ten Women of Gaming--or as I like to call it, Samus, a couple other worthy women, and TNA with guns.
The Top Ten Video Game Weapons of All Time--Very few folk relate to the "use them in games so you don't use them in real life" argument like me. I've always been uneasy around guns in my personal experience with them, but I'm enamored of the different shooters in the history of video games. The more ludicrous, the better. I mean...the Cerebral Bore? The Gravity Gun? Why would you want to use a toilet as ammo? Well, why not?
Speaking in pure gamer mode now, can't believe that the Golden Gun from "GoldenEye" didn't make it. One shot, one kill, and it's a golden gun, the premier weapon in one of the all-time legendary games. Sigh. I really wish I still had the Nintendo 64.
You Tube video games MLB fan pizza Metroid
Speaking of which, found some excellent YouTube vids courtesy of gametrailers.com.
The Top Ten Best and Worst Games Ever, Pt. 1 and 2--of all the shit games, the only one I can personally attest to is "Pac Man" on Atari. Of the best, no real complaints, but putting Super Mario 64 and Super Mario World together in one ranking...bullshit. Just throw the other ones in there then, give the whole series a spot! Super Mario 64 is the greatest video game ever, bar none. The fact it isn't number one is wrong enough, but to lump it with another Mario game on the list? That's annoying on a Hammer Bros. in world 8-3 level.
The Top Ten Women of Gaming--or as I like to call it, Samus, a couple other worthy women, and TNA with guns.
The Top Ten Video Game Weapons of All Time--Very few folk relate to the "use them in games so you don't use them in real life" argument like me. I've always been uneasy around guns in my personal experience with them, but I'm enamored of the different shooters in the history of video games. The more ludicrous, the better. I mean...the Cerebral Bore? The Gravity Gun? Why would you want to use a toilet as ammo? Well, why not?
Speaking in pure gamer mode now, can't believe that the Golden Gun from "GoldenEye" didn't make it. One shot, one kill, and it's a golden gun, the premier weapon in one of the all-time legendary games. Sigh. I really wish I still had the Nintendo 64.
You Tube video games MLB fan pizza Metroid
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