Sunday, March 9, 2014

Where's Your Disfigured Pirate Jesus Now?

CHRIST ILLUSION
8/8/2006


Originally set for a 6/6/2006 release, but the dream was crushed when other, lesser bands announced their identical intentions.  Ridiculous that such shenanigans were deemed permissable; that date was clearly made for Slayer and Slayer alone, all other racket-gangs fall back, but oh well.  6/6/06 was still International Day of Slayer. 

For their first new full-length in five years, Slayer brought out the big gun--or rather, brought it back:  Dave Lombardo.  You done good, Paul Bostaph, but the master just returned home.

"Flesh Storm"--Twinned guit-fiddles make robots flat-line.  What is on display here is every Slayer riff ever to be fighting war, total war, corrupting our souls and bodies sans compunction.  It ain't just the youth that's expendable.  America in toto is a glorious melting pot of disposable waste. 

"Catalyst"--Trods a trail so many have stomped down before…but fuck it, Slayer's boots are bigger, and festooned with spikes.

"Skeleton Christ"--The riff stutters worse than me at a job interview.  Emaciated religion is killing the world, one desiccated tissue at a time.  God sucks, y'all.  "Hail Satan!"  Eh, sounded better in '86.

Jeff's one solo here slaughters both of Kerry's whammy-bar parties.

"Eyes of the Insane"
--The guys ease up on the gas, prompting me to start whining and writhing.  I kick at the back of the drivers seat in a pitiful protest.  Finally, Kerry whips his snake-head around and hollers, "Calm your ass down or I'll make you hold the Grammy we won for this song for the whole rest of the trip!"  Borderline child abuse, but it works.

"Jihad"--One of the most unique note progressions in the band's history opens up the album's most controversial song, which looks at the events of 9/11 from the terrorists POV.  Why pull punches when you can push 'em through someone's skull?  ("Fuck your God, erase his name.")  Tom's rapid-fire delivery ain't perfect, 'cause nothing deserves that distinction, but it's damn near to my ear.

Unbelievably, Kerry King does not have a songwriting credit on this song.

Christians and Muslims, united in gullibility, their insane desire to assuage someone they can't see to assure a future they might not have.  Earlier in this series, I spoke about Slayer being the ideal soundtrack for my personal revenge fantasies.  Meaning, revenge against people I knew for personally wronging me, to satisfy me. Not this other stuff. 

"Consfearacy"--Portmanteaus-a-poppin' for what is essentially "Dittohead Pt. 2" (or "Necrophobic Pt. 3).  Unoriginal, yes, but I'm a contented gondolier nonetheless.

Dave sounds like he's snapping bones on the chorus.  Mine.  Hurts so fucking good.

"Catatonic"--Slayer slow it down, but a quick finger to the pertinent spots reveal a heart rate fast as ever.  Skin and bones both crack from the pressure. 

"Black Serenade"--I can tell Jeff wrote the music here.  Transitions, y'see.  The guitars shadow the lyrics so I keep waiting for the whish of the blade.

"Cult"--"In God I distrust."  Ah, well done.  Also, thanks for comparing religion to rape.  Wholly equivalent.  This is just four minutes of "No shit!"  Tom sounds better on the whole of Christ Illusion than he has in quite some time, perhaps inspired by lyrics like "infectious imbecility" (which as of now can consider itself stolen). 

"Supremist"--The flesh is weak.  The music is strong.  My head hurts, though.  Either I'm getting too old, or Slayer is, but both of us are refusing to reconcile that fact if it is, indeed, a fact. 

"Supremist" urges me to play hopscotch on the gravestones of people I've murdered.  Ha, I'm just kidding, none of those people had proper burials.



Yeah, not really too much more to add.  Christ Illusion's heights aren't as mountainous as the ones on God Hates Us All, but it is more consistent, and more mature.  Slayer makes me proud to be a human being--even while informing me, over and over, how hopeless the entire race is.  That is some true art, right there.

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