For the guy at the gym who made that wiseass crack about me to his buddy when we were all gathered by the ab benches--
The ironing is crazy delicious. You looked like Alfred E. Neuman and Ethel from Archie Comics had a kid. Then beat it upside the face with a detached stapler for the first seven years of its life.
(For any and all interested...I've lost 18 pounds so far.)