Saturday, November 10, 2007

Wait, What If We Called Him "Grimace"?

Fans of the Minnesota Vikings are easy to pick on. How could we be less than ripe for ridicule, rooting as we do for a team that's gone 0-for-4 in the Super Bowl and wears purple uniforms?

Loyalty to the 2007-08 version seems even more mystifying when one considers the teams quarterback situation (intolerable), the wide receiving corp ("experiment") and the secondary unit (sorely missing the full coverage of Fred Smoot).

Dig deeper, though, and the discerning fan will find a formidable offensive line, led by Steve Hutchinson.

(Oh, don't mind that noise. That's just Shawn Alexander sobbing uncontrollably.)

But the reason to feel Purple Pride...you shouldn't have to even pull out the mental shovel. Any NFL fan knows why the Vikes are worth it with a 3-5 record.



Adrian Peterson, running back. #28. 1,036 rushing yards in eight games (a revolting average of 6.6 yards per carry), 8 touchdowns. Last week against the San Diego Chargers he set an NFL record with 296 yards gained on ground--his second 200+ yard game. In his rookie year. And the Vikings picked him up 7th in the draft. This is a man who is showing every sign of ending his career as at least a top 3 running back in league history and he fell to 7th because he was considered an injury risk.

His individual accomplishments are almost impressive enough to make a fan forget that they are even rooting for a team. Adrian Peterson has singlehandedly assured Brad Childress one full season as a coach in Minnesota, despite the increasingly apparent fact that Childress cannot coach a pro football team. A player of unworldly skill and instinct can do that. (Meanwhile, Norv Turner is hating LaDainian Tomlinson right now. Some cases are just hopeless, though.)

Whenever a player in any sport comes on the scene and makes the playing field his own personal video game, statements of awed wonder and subsequent predictions fly: How many yards will he end up with? Will he surpass the rookie total amassed by the man whose legacy he most closely evokes in those old enough to remember it, the one Eric Dickinson? All enjoyable queries to ponder as one waits for each Sunday, to see how the best running back in the league will take apart the opposing defense (he's the only player, so far as I can tell, that actually humiliates seven teams with each big game). But dealing with the sprawl of the Internet, stupid debates are due.

Some website forums have recently featured a topic that let you know, in one handy package, how Peterson has captured the imagination of the NFL and how bored people online can really be.

What is Adrian Peterson's nickname?

Now, this is not a bad topic in and of itself. The problem arises when (as you'll see with the second and third links) people try to assert a nickname. Those who insist on Peterson's name being "AD" are not only 10 pounds of douche in a 5 pound bag, but make me want to call him everything but.

If Adrian's nickname should be "All Day", then call him "All Day". Why does that need to be initialized? 'Cause it sounds nice? "A.D" is the same amount of syllables and keeps people from asking "what's the 'D' for?"

That said, if people want to call him "A.P"; well, maybe the Associated Press connotation is unfortunate, but it makes sense, as it's shortening a full name.

"Purple Jesus" is unacceptable not due to any concerns over blasphemy (save that for the lunkheads who thank their savior after every victory) but that it sells the great man short. Jesus is historically the son of God. Adrian Peterson is the son of no one on that field. Thus, he is "Purple God", if one must bring deities into the discussion.

Some might say the greater the player, the more nicknames required to fully encompass their king-shit-n-bottle-washer status. Look at the sobriquets attached to a man who would have never known how to say that word, George Herman Ruth: "Babe", "Sultan of Swat", "The Bambino". So perhaps the rush to assign handles to Peterson is just a byproduct of a nation in thrall to a future legend. The people insistent on tying one name to this one man are going to have to deal with disappointment. But given that those people seem to be the type who have several thousand posts on an Internet forum, I think they're well-equipped for that.

No comments:

Post a Comment